You can have my beer if you let me go."
He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit.
She's afraid they'll bring down the house.
Me: I dunno. Let me check *pulls out phone Me: Not good. It only got 2 likes on Instagram Waiter: ...
He pulled some strings.
Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.
asked the police officer sympathetically. The boy replied, "Beer and women."
This is a joke I came up with. Q: How many religious people does it take to change a light bulb? A: There's no need to change it when you can easily convince everyone that it still works, but they've gone blind.
The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was .......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.
A: Only one but it takes him seven weeks to get there.
He wasn't white and that wasn't right, we found he was black, and that was whack, so we shot him in the back.
One to get in and one to get out.
I bought the Groupon but can't make it :(
via sticky notes
By firing squad.
