What weighs more than a car and uses a lot of fuel, but hardly ever moves?

Your mom.

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Car Jokes More Car Jokes

What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs?

The Girl Scout that got hit by a car.

How's my driving?

sticker on her car. Her phone hasn't stopped ringing since.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity.

What do you get when a superhero has to use the restroom?

A comic relief.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

When a guy yells out, "Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?

She yelled back, "Because I swallowed them all!"

Why is your mom like a 360 noscope?

Cuz I wouldn't hit that.

Lot Jokes More Lot Jokes

Why do a lot of tech recruiters have herpes?

Because they look for contributors to open sores.

Why has Venus been so distant lately?

Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas"

Fuel Jokes More Fuel Jokes

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

What do you call a vehicle with no fuel in Africa?

Outtagascar

Weigh Jokes More Weigh Jokes

How do you weigh a Hipster?

In instagrams

What do me and my fridge have in common?

Were both empty inside and weigh a tonne