When I was kid, and we'd go sledding on a cold snowy day, Ya know how often I had to rub my hands together to stay warm?

Intermittenly.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What's the difference between a herpes and jacuzzi?

i let women know that i have a jacuzzi

How the hell would she know?

We only met last week!

Rub Jokes More Rub Jokes

What did the perverted frog say?

Rub-it!

What is green sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together ?

Chimney Cricket !

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you estimate your kids lifespan?

Hand them a mechanical pencil with the lead out and see how the use it. Child A: look mom I'm a doctor! - expect them to live to 80+ years. Child B: look mom I'm a heroin user! - expect them to live to about 27.

What do you do if a girl sits on your hand?

Try to get her off!

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What did the sorting hat say to the quadriplegic?

Stay here, I'll just go on ahead.

What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac spend his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Ya Jokes More Ya Jokes

Where do you find a dog with no arms or legs?

Right where ya left him.

How do you keep redditors in suspense?

I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow

Sle Jokes More Sle Jokes

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?

Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Why do the lawyers for the reindeer say they have to pull Santa's sled?

Because they have a claus in their contract.