Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

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Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

What do a hurricane and a divorce in Virginia have in common?

Screaming, crying, and somebody loses a trailer!

What's red, 6 inches long and makes my gf cry when i feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How do you prove that your dog loves you more than your wife?

Lock them both in the trunk of the car for an hour, then open it up and see which one of them is happier to see you.

What if I buried it in the yard?

me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did the math student fail his exam?

He needed to sketch the sine and cuisine graphs but only knew how to do cos(-x)

How can you tell if she is virgin or not?

Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, Well, you need three things from a do it yourself shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel. Paddy asked, And what do I do with these, doc? The doctor replied, Before the wedding night, you paint one of your testicles red and the other one blue. If she says, Thats the strangest pair of balls I ever saw., you hit her with the shovel.

Comment Jokes More Comment Jokes

What's the most annoying thing in the internet?

People who comment "repost" on a Joke subreddit.

How many redditors commenting on a given post does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Not possible. Their hands are too slippery with each other's ejaculate.

Stephen Hawk Jokes More Stephen Hawk Jokes

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he stops laughing?

He writes scary stories.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

Shoulder Jokes More Shoulder Jokes

Why is it so hard to pull over on the Pirate Highway?

Because there's a parrot on the shoulder.

What did one cookie say to the other cookie ?

You've got a chip on your shoulder. What did the deer say to the bear Your unbearable

Post Jokes More Post Jokes

What would a Prius minivan be called?

Post-us

Why are redditors so bad at "getting" jokes?

this isn't even a joke... some of y'all are borderline retarded, "I don't get it" is like a given for 50 upvotes around here. If you don't get a joke, just take the L and move on to the next post....

Credit Jokes More Credit Jokes

Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?

Because there are already too many targets. (credit: some old veteran bum looking guy sleeping on a bench at the police station I went to today.)

What do you call it if you were to second guess your decision to book time at a native american community?

That's a reservation reservation reservation. (Credit to Brian Regan)