New Yorker Jokes

What's the difference between a New Yorker and a Canadian?

A New Yorker takes the A train; a Canadian takes the train, eh.

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How do you get a New Yorker upset about ISIS terror attacks?

Tell them ISIS are Red Sox fans.

What did the New Yorker order from the Liberian waitress?

Ebola soup!

Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank?

He wanted to wake up oily.

What are all those wires?

My wireless internet." (New Yorker cartoon ideas)

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Pothead Jokes More Pothead Jokes

How did the pothead propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage.. you wanna?"

Why doesn't Connecticut have a name for it people?

What I mean is that people from NY are New Yorkers, people from California are Californian, and coincidentally people from Colorado and Washington are Potheads.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

What are the two main differences between a Chihuahua and a German shepherd?

1. Spelling 2. Pronunciation

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to videotape so Christians can't claim God did it.

How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart?

You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!

How can you tell if there is an elephant in your dessert ?

You get very lumpy ice cream !

Place Jokes More Place Jokes

How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

What do you call an X-Games athlete who placed dead last?

A louger.

Liberian Jokes More Liberian Jokes

Where are you from?

So where are you from?" "I'm a Liberian" "Oh sorry" *whispers*

What did the New Yorker order from the Liberian waitress?

Ebola soup!

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

Why does a redneck hold a knife while driving?

So he can cut corners.

How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

You ask them to hold the door for you.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp?

I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

What's the difference between Tim Howard and Jesus?

Jesus had 11 guys he could depend on.