What are you gonna do today?

Me: Shower. W: ...what else M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

What time does Wimbledon start?

Tennish

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

What is today's special at Google's employee cafeteria?

Alphabet Soup.

M Jokes More M Jokes

What starts with an 'M', ends with 'arriage', and recently made me the happiest man alive?

Miscarriage

What a crazy weekend! Me: takes a knee CW: What are you doing?

M: Protesting this conversation.

Shower Jokes More Shower Jokes

What do you do to relax?

I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know.

Why should you never take a shower with a pokemon?

Because it may Pikachu.

Itune Jokes More Itune Jokes

What's the Pope iTunes play-list name?

Pray-list.

What did Darth Vader do when his iTunes stopped responding?

He force quit.

W Jokes More W Jokes

Who is the prettiest of my friends?

Me: your mother, why W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.

Why did the worker at the M&M factory get fired?

he threw out the W's