What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

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Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the mole hill say to the mountain?

I see my ex came by."

What did one flea say to the other flea when they came out of the movies?

A: Should we walk home or take a dog

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

How do you compliment a girl with a cold sore?

You tell her that her smile is contagious.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

What do you call the second-most hated politician in America?

Madam President.

Why does ISIS only drink drip coffee?

Because they hate French Press!

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates?

Doctors without boarders.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

What is the best definition of irony?

irony irne/ noun a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result.

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

Bad News Jokes More Bad News Jokes

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Panda Bear Jokes More Panda Bear Jokes

What goes Black-White, Black-White, Black-White?

A panda bear rolling down a hill.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.