Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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How does a conceptual artist change a light bulb?

He calls it a work of art.

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

What do you get when you put Ryan dunn and Paul walker in a porshce?

Dunn Walking!!!

Cancer Jokes More Cancer Jokes

What's the easiest way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer

What do you call a terrorist with cancer?

A free radical.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What's the difference between mlk day and st. Patrick's day?

Everyone WANTS to be irish on st Patrick's day.

Why did John Wayne get a weiner dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggy.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why German Loves Americans why do Germans love Americans?

because Americans are the most hated people in the world now.

Why did the fruit leave office?

because he was imPEACHED! lol. i hate myself.

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

What's the worst thing you can hear while taking the bus?

ALLAHUUUUUU AKBARRRR

What is the world's leading cause of hearing loss?

Religion.

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?

At your cervix, m'lady

Whats the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at a mental hospital?

The patients are the ones who eventually get better and get to go home.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

Why was the cat scared of the tree?

Because of its bark

What's the difference between a kid and a cat?

Who has the diploma when you get rid of them.