Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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Bad News Bear Jokes More Bad News Bear Jokes

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

What do you call a polar bear who works for Fox News?

A bad news bear

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

What do you get when you put Ryan dunn and Paul walker in a porshce?

Dunn Walking!!!

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

What's the worst part about going to the doctor's and finding out you have diabetes?

You don't get a lollipop afterwards :/

What did the router say to the doctor?

It hurts when IP.

Adopt Jokes More Adopt Jokes

What is the extreme limit of laziness?

Son "Having an adopted son."

Whats the difference between you and an orphan?

You were adopted. Best told to siblings :D

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What do you call it again where you think of a tweet while you're offline so you have to say it out loud?

Conversation

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

24 Hour Jokes More 24 Hour Jokes

What kind of company is a 24 hours hamburger joint?

Fry-by-night!

How do you keep a moron in suspense for 24 hours?

I'll post the answer tomorrow.

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

What do you guys think of polar bears?

I think they all white.

What is the definition of a polar bear?

A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What, really?

I said. "Yes, they're coming to pick you up in an hour"

How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.