Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

You might also enjoy:

Hear Jokes More Hear Jokes

Why did the duck go to the basketball game?

He heard the ref was blowing fouls!

Why do all Asian kids get straight A's?

Because the ones that don't are never heard from again. I'll be here all day folks.

Travel Jokes More Travel Jokes

Why do teen girls travel in groups of three?

Because they literally can't even.

What do you call a large vehicle that travels the world serving breakfast?

Universal cereal bus

Polar Bear Jokes More Polar Bear Jokes

Where does a polar bear keep his money?

In a snow bank.

How would you get four reindeer in a car?

Two in the front and two in the back! And how do you get four polar bears in a car Take the reindeer out first

Gravity Jokes More Gravity Jokes

What is the only law that Hillary obeys?

The law of gravity

Why did the student fail his physics test?

He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you call a cat on fire?

A fur-nace

What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat ?

Here Kitty kitty kitty' !

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell someone who doesn't like Depeche Mode?

Enjoy the silence.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I'll tell you tomorrow.

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What do you get when you put Ryan dunn and Paul walker in a porshce?

Dunn Walking!!!

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

What happened when Smokey the Bear started the forest fire?

A: He got arrested just like you would've.