Bad News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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What's the worst news for a NASCAR driver before a race?

The track is alright."

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news?

Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny

How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the bad news?

Asked the patients. "You only have 24-hours to live." "And the really bad news " I should have told you yesterday.

Why was the racehorse named Bad News?

Because bad news travels fast!

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How does gravity greet itself?

It just waves

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

Result Jokes More Result Jokes

Who is the brother of Juan Luna?

Edi si AnTWOnio Luna. Yeah yeah, the result of being stuck in the traffic. XD

What will the results of the next election be?

No one knows! The results were stolen from the Politburo just last night!

Racehorse Jokes More Racehorse Jokes

What is the strongest animal?

A racehorse because it can take hundreds of people for a ride at once!

What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships?

Have a good one, son."

What did everyone think?

STEVE: PAUL: JANE: SARAH: MARK: DAVE:

Panda Bear Jokes More Panda Bear Jokes

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

What goes Black-White, Black-White, Black-White?

A panda bear rolling down a hill.

Yesterday Jokes More Yesterday Jokes

How long have you been in pain?

Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997

What happened on Reddit yesterday?

A pao-erful change

Patient Jokes More Patient Jokes

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What was Schrodinger's favorite childhood book?

The Cat in the Box by Dr. Seuss

Why don't my dog and my cat get along?

She's a Re-puppy-can and he's a Demo-cat!