What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50

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Like Jokes More Like Jokes

Who likes music?

asks a commander. - Two soldiers step forward. - All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

What do you call a mushroom that likes to party?

A Fungi!

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What did the cat say to the human after being hit with a baseball bat?

Nothing. Cats don't freaking talk.

What movie aspect ratio do cats prefer?

Litterbox.

50 Jokes More 50 Jokes

What do you call an Englishman with an IQ of 50?

Colonel, sir.

Why do you have a copy of 50 Shades of Grey in your bathroom?

Perv! Me: Oh. No that's just for when I run out of toilet paper.

Minute Jokes More Minute Jokes

How has society let things go so far down hill that it still takes two minutes to make popcorn?

China probably can pop corn in one minute.

What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?

A: The letter "m."

Sneeze Jokes More Sneeze Jokes

Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed?

To catch her false teeth.

What do sneezes wear on their feet?

A: Ahhh-shoes.

500 Jokes More 500 Jokes

What's 16 centimetres long and makes every girl happy?

A 500 bill.

Whores does it take to change a light bulb?

If this gets 500 upvotes i'll tell you!

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

Why did you leave your last job?

I had a typo in a tweet. "Mistakes happen!" -I worked for Yahoo Finance. "Thanks for coming in. Bye"

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!