What would happen if James Bond took Viagra?

He would continue to be a state-sponsored terrorist whose actions disgrace us all.

This joke may have profanity.

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What do Jimmy Saville's victims and Aston Villa fans have in common?

They're still talking about what happened in 1982.

What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?

He will B flat

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Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox?

He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini.

What does James Bond say after a heavy workout?

I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.

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What do you call the action where a dead guy falls out of a car and you have to put him back in?

A rehearsal

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him?

He stung her into action.

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What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

What do you call a person who continues to touch up on something that is already perfect, and thus ruining whatever it was?

George Lucas.

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What's this payment?

Me: we're sponsoring a panda! W: so is this monthly M: No, it's just for the one skydive

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Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

What do read heads get when they don't brush their teeth?

Gingervitis Edit: redheads. I am a disgrace.