When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How are your step mother and a 17 in the card game 21 similar?

You know you can't but you really want to hit it.

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base?

I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone.

How does a psychic cokehead tell the future?

With a magic 8-ball

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

What's the Difference between a Wife and an Attic Door?

An attic door can shut up. im going to hell

Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What is it called when two lawyers are fighting?

Civil War

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.

Lip Jokes More Lip Jokes

How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?

He tried to blow up a police car.

Why do girls talk so much?

They have four lips

Truth Jokes More Truth Jokes

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.