Lip Jokes

What's the difference between Sugar and Sweet'N Low?

Sugar is on the lips. :-)

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

Why do hipsters burn their lips when they drink tea?

Because they drink it before it's cool.

What signal tells you that a politician is lying?

The lips are moving

How do you know a presidential candidate is lying?

Their lips are moving.

How can you tell when a politician is lying?

When their lips move

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.

Why didn't Hellen Keller learn to lip-read?

The braille left her lips numb.

Why are none talking in the ladies sauna?

They are sitting on their lips!

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you can read her lips!

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What goes "Ooooooooooo!"?

A cow with no lips.

How do you blow a movie quote?

You just put your lips together and whistle

Why do girls talk so much?

They have four lips

How did the polish terrorist burn his lips?

Burned them on a cars tailpipe when he tried blowing it up.

How did the hipster burn their lips?

They ate the pizza before it was cool

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?

So people can read her lips.

What body movements alert you that a politician is lying?

His lips are moving.

What goes ooooooo?

A cow with no lips. ) ) )

Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips?

From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

How can you tell a black person is lying?

His lips are moving.

Why don't chickens have lips?

Because then they'd have soft peckers

How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

Why do they call it "Lipstick?

When a woman can easily move her lips after she applies it

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

How do you know a Muslim is lying?

their lips are moving

How can you tell when a salesperson is lying?

His lips are moving.

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate?

He couldn't take any more lip!

How do you get people to quit smoking?

Cut off their lips

What did the koala bear say to the barber?

You ca-lip this

Why did the Hipster burn his lip?

He drank coffee before it was cool.

Why can't you hear a dog whistle?

Because they have a hard time puckering their lips the right way.

Why does the Avon lady walk funny?

Because her lips stick

What's the worst part about making out with a perfect 10?

The cold feeling on your lips when you realize you're kissing the mirror

How did the mobster burn his lips on a tailpipe?

He tried to blow up a police car.

How does a deaf Gynecologist communicate with his patients?

He reads lips.

Why do deaf women wear tight jeans?

So you can read their lips.

How do skeletons kiss?

They don't. Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.

How can you tell Sofia Vergara's children on the playground?

They're the ones with stretch marks on their lips.

Why did the blonde give up on trying to blow up a car?

She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe

How can you tell that a politician lies?

His lips are moving

What goes oo ooo oooo?

A cow with no lips.

How many lips does a flower have?

Tulips

You might also enjoy:

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman ?

One is a super hero and the other is a simple command.

What's the difference between a doctor and God?

God doesn't walk around thinking he's a doctor.

Winter Jokes More Winter Jokes

Why couldn't the NSA agent leave his house this Winter?

He was Snowden.

How does water stay warm during the winter?

It wears an aqua-fur.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?

She wanted to get a dark tan.

What is Pink and lies on the doormat?

Whitney Houston's Valentines Day Cards

Roller Coaster Jokes More Roller Coaster Jokes

What do toilets yell when they ride roller coasters?

Weeeeeeeee!!!

What did the black guy see when he went down the roller coaster?

His upper lip.

Sync Jokes More Sync Jokes

What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?

Sham rock.

How does one sink, that which floats?

How does one sync, that which floats Well, we type case the variable to make sure that both sides of the equation are of type, floats.

Irish Jokes More Irish Jokes

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What is Irish and stays on your patio, even when it rains?

Patty O'Furniture.

Black Guy Jokes More Black Guy Jokes

What do you call a black guy on the moon?

An Astronaut.

Why do moslem girls love black guys?

more satisfaction at night for wearing a ninja suit all day.

Cherry Jokes More Cherry Jokes

What is worse than a worm in a cherry?

Half of a worm in half of a cherry.

Why do elephants paint their testicles red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Shows you it works then. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys picking cherries.