Truth Jokes

What 3 things that tell the truth?

Drunk men. Little children. Yoga pants.

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Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

What does the Fox say?

The truth is out there.

What game is all the rage with the Ferguson rioters?

Truth or Darren Wilson.

What else did Lochte say after the truth came out?

This did not go swimmingly at all

What did I tell you about telling the truth?

5-year-old: It's only for people who don't have lawyers.

When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?

When his lips are shut.

What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth?

Tooth (truth) or Consequences.

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio's face?

Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie. Tell me the truth. Tell me a lie...

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We may never know the truth.

Why aren't there any "old husband tales"?

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

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Pinocchio Jokes More Pinocchio Jokes

Why was Pinocchio acting drunk?

He couldn't handle his lacquer

What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas?

Quit being nosey.

Li Ion Jokes More Li Ion Jokes

Why can't you trust a Lithium Ion battery?

Because they're always Li-ion!

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

Pinocchio Face Jokes More Pinocchio Face Jokes

Why did all the other toys throw RaggedyAnn out of the toy box?

She kept on sitting on Pinocchio's face yelling "Lie to me, lie to me!"

Why did raggedy Ann get kicked out of the toy box?

She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming "LIE TO ME"!

Consequence Jokes More Consequence Jokes

What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?

A moot ant

Why do we live in a society where pizza arrives faster than police do?

Because the pizza guy has consequences for not doing his job correctly. "Oh damn, shots fired!" But not by the pizza guy.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Who's there ! Attila ! Attila who ?

Attila you no lies !

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

How do we know that Jesus wasn't born in Mexico?

Because he'd never have been able to find 3 wise men and a virgin.

What do a burnt pizza, a frozen beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?

In all 3 cases, someone forgot to pull it out.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb?

You don't know cause you weren't there

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

One..... Or two...

Tooth Jokes More Tooth Jokes

What's the best thing to put into a pizza?

Your teeth.

Why did Plato's worst student always have stuff stuck in his teeth?

He didn't understand Flossophy!