Chuckle Jokes

Why can't Jimmy ride his bike?

Because he has no limbs Kinda dark, I know. It's just for those out there who would chuckle at this. ;D

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What do you call a wheel with clothes?

Attire. My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

What kinds of vegetables did Ghandi prefer?

Peace and carrots... Thought this up at work today. I'm sure it's been done before but it made me chuckle...

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

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Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

Why did Vanilla Ice steal a can of hair spray?

Because the label said, "Contents Under Pressure" Got this joke from my brother :D

Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december?

The specific ocean.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call the small amount of time between when you slip on a peel and when you hit the pavement?

A bananosecond

How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

Why are there no Wal Marts in Iraq, Iran, or Afghanistan?

Because there are already too many targets. (credit: some old veteran bum looking guy sleeping on a bench at the police station I went to today.)

How do you please all the people?

Tell them Ellen Pao has stepped down as of today!

Corny Jokes More Corny Jokes

Why can't anxious people walk on tight ropes?

Because they're too high-strung. Corny I know, but I wrote it myself and had to put it out there.

What was the victim of the car crash wearing?

A Casualty (Casual-Tee, as in Tee-Shirt) 100% Guraneed Originality You can know for sure I made it up because of how corny it is...

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What vegetables do plumbers hate the most?

Leeks

What do you get when you chop up a fruit and mix it with vegetables?

I don't know but it was hard as hell stealing thier wheelchairs with pieces of Richard Simmons tripping me up.

Carrot Jokes More Carrot Jokes

What did the guy who didn't like vegetables say?

I don't really carrot all for vegetables."

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot. :

Tear Jokes More Tear Jokes

Why do they say "break a leg !" to actors ?

If you said "tear an ACL !" to a star athlete, you'd be shot on the spot.

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

Jimmy Jokes More Jimmy Jokes

Who him?

Oh that's just jimmy, I pay him to follow me around and inter- *saxophone solo* INTERRUPT MY SENTENCES WITH SAXOPHONE SOLOS.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn't have any arms. Knock Knock. Who's there? Definitely not Sally. Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck Why didn't the truck turn out of the way? Sally Was driving