Empire Jokes

How do you destroy an empire?

Brexit.

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Where does the Empire buy their robes?

The Darth Mall!

How did the Romans split up their empire?

With a pair of Caesars. (Thanks )

Why does the Empire use Apple?

Because they couldn't find the droid they were looking for

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Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it?

Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.

Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?

Because all proper tea is theft.

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What happened when Hamlet discovered his love dead?

Necro-Ophelia

What did the scientist say when he discovered the lowest possible temperature?

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What's the difference between the grocery store and a math book?

In a math book I can buy 57 papayas at $1.99 each and no one will care.

Why is Empire Strikes Back the best Star Wars movie?

It's a perfect 5/7.

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What do you get when a cow jumps in cold water?

Utter udder shudder.

How did the hipster break his neck?

He jump off the diving board before it was pool.

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What do you call it when a Sith goes to a Galleria?

Darth Mall.

Where do the Sith go shopping?

The Darth Mall.

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What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?

Aw shucks!

Where do animals go when their Tails fall off?

The Retail store

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What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

An Insti-Gator

Why women mature faster than men?

Because men start growing breasts only after 40 years old.

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Where do Turkish people go to purchase their furniture?

The Ottoman Empire.

Why do they say "character actress"?

Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture