Smooth Jokes

Why are elephants big, grey, and wrinkley?

Because if they were small, white, and smooth they'd be Asprin.

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Why are monsters huge and hairy and ugly?

Because if they were small and round and smooth they'd be M&M's

What do you call wood-smoothing equipment that's hot to the touch?

Bernie Sanders

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Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ?

Disney Movies still touch kids

What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

A personal space man

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

When is a lion not a lion ?

When he turns into his cage !

Why did your car just spin around in circles?

Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind.

Bernie Sanders Jokes More Bernie Sanders Jokes

What do you call a capitalist Bernie Sanders?

Earning Sanders.

Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What do you call a bunch of pro wrestlers hitting each other with blocks of cheddar and wheels of gouda?

Battle Royale with cheese.

What is big and red and rolls over in the snow?

Santa Claus hit in the balls!

Event Jokes More Event Jokes

What are your go to jokes?

I was at an event the other day and someone asked "So... anyone know any jokes?" What's everyone's "go to" joke in social situations?

What is the difference between an event at the X Games and a sorrority?

One is a bunch of Cunning Stunts

Tic Tac Jokes More Tic Tac Jokes

What's a tick's favorite food?

A tic tac

Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti?

The recipe told her to mints her garlic.

Seal Jokes More Seal Jokes

What type of animals are put on envelopes?

Seals.

Why did the seal make a Tinder account?

To find a Significant Otter.

Elephant Jokes More Elephant Jokes

How do you fit an elephant in to a subway?

Take the 's' out of "sub" and the 'f' out of "way"

How many legs does an elephant have if you count his trunk as a leg?

Four. Because calling the trunk a leg doesnt make it a leg.