How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

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Why did the blonde feminist want to be cremated when she died?

She thought a traditional burial would be too bio-degrading.

What do you call it when an Eevee (Pokemon) evolves into what you want with no interruptions?

DirecTV (Say it aloud)

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Why did Mike Dukakis lose the 1998 Presidential election?

He TANKED his campaign!

What do you call a bottle of seltzer that lost all its bubbles?

Water...

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What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The pro-lease department

Why's the little boy scarred for life after going to buy his mom some earrings?

He went to Jared.

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How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

What did Chad Kroeger say after leaving a concert of Justin Bieber?

I want my Nickleback....

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Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

What do you call an anorexic blonde with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese !

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Why are you crying after giving me that ticket?

Policeman: It was a moving violation.

Why did the monster get a ticket at Thanksgiving dinner?

He was exceeding the feed limit!

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What concert is worth 45 cents?

50 cent with Nickelback

Who is Nickelback's biggest fan?

Helen Keller.