How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

What have you done wrong if the wife keep complaining when you try to watch TV in the living room?

You made the chain too long in the kitchen.

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

Why is gravity the weakest of the 4 fundamental forces?

Because it doesn't even lift.

Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon?

Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What does a television have in common with a rabbit?

His ears! Yes, this is a real joke I got from a Laffy Taffy wrapper today, not 30 years ago. I did not laugh.

What do we say to the god of procrastination?

Not today.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

What did the hill that was counting its pocket change say to the other hill?

Don't worry, I'm just amounting.

How did the hippie remember the number of wives he had?

He counted 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississippi...

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides?

When it's intersected by a plane

What is it called when 5 girls get into bed with one guy?

A "no one will ever believe me".

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

What do you get when you add root beer to a square cup?

Beer.

How much for a beer?

The bartender replies: "For you No charge."

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

How do you count cows?

You use a cow-culator. Or you round them up. Or any other method the commenters want.

What do you call a group of sorority girls/fraternity guys standing in a circle?

A round of applause ...because they all have the clap.

19 Jokes More 19 Jokes

What is Josh Duggars favorite thing about 19 year olds?

There's 19 of them

What's Subway Jared's favorite TV show?

19 Kids and Counting