How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why did the programmer get a job working with big data when his wife died?

He just needed a little bit of Clojure.

What's the difference between a wife and a dog?

The later you get home, the happier one is to see you

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What do you call a chicken coop with 4 doors?

A chicken sedan.

Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4 doors, it would be a chicken Sedan.

Today Jokes More Today Jokes

What does the internet need to take when its constipated?

Google Fiber Note: Randomly came up with this joke today

How do you tell the difference from a guy's chromosome and a girl's chromosome?

You pull down their gene's and have a look! Credit: I heard this from an older gentlemen today at a senior home.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

Why does VALVE end with 2?

Because they can't count to

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

5 Jokes More 5 Jokes

What has 5 eyes?

invisibility

What do you call a Black Guy surrounded by 5 White Guys?

Toby

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

How was the Irish Jig invented?

To much beer and not enough bathrooms

What do you get when you combine a watch and a bottle of beer?

A really good watch.

Round Jokes More Round Jokes

What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team?

The guy would survive the first round.

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

I did! Well here's the elastic band.

19 Jokes More 19 Jokes

How many teamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

19 . Got a problem with that?

How many children did Josh Duggar molest?

19 kids and counting. Too soon? :/