What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How are you baby?

I am in bed and thinking about you ... And you my dear - I am at a club ... And sitting right behind you!!

How can you shorten a bed?

Don't sleep long in it.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but you have to get them in there first.

How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WANNA RIDE BIKES

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

What does a dyslexic,agnostic and insomniac spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night thinking if there really is a dog

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What does weed and your girlfriend have in common?

They both leave me sticky fingers. 7

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?

Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

Which nut is the angriest?

The pistachio.

What did one ovary say to the other one?

What did one ovary say to the other one? "Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."

Handyman Jokes More Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What do you if there is a black out?

Make sure your doors are locked and windows bolted shut.

What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.