What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?

Oh sheeeeeettttt!

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Duggars does it take to screw a planet?

EOM

How many feminists does it take to screw a lightbulb?

One to screw it in and nine to write on their blogs about how enlightening the experiment was.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

How do you swat one hundred flies at the same time?

Smack an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

Why did the late man stand on the clock?

He wanted to be on time.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you say to a girlfriend who calls you a lazy couch potato?

Well let me tell you...

What did Jay Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

His Feyonce.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What do you call a one night stand with a robot?

Nut and bolt

How many nuts does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian

Handyman Jokes More Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What's the difference between a nail, a screw, and a bolt?

A girl raises her hand and says, "I don't know. I've never been bolted before."

What do you call a one night stand with a robot?

Nut and bolt