Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What's the difference between my girlfriend and a cow?

Cows are real.

How do you know if a homeless man has a girlfriend?

He has two clean fingers.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many SCPs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

DATA EXPUNGED

How many mosquitoes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. But I don't know how they got in there.

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

What did the pirate say after he pulled a steering wheel out of his pants?

It's driving me nuts!"

What do you call a nut on a wall?

A walnut! What do you call a nut at the beach A beech nut! What do you call a nut in the toilet A peanut!!

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What did the fish say when it bumped its head?

Dam.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time of day was Adam born?

Just a little before Eve

What do a frozen beer, a burnt pizza, and a pregnant girl have in common?

Failure to pull out in time

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because D-shells are too big and B-shells are too small.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?

Claude!

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?

Bob

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

What's the difference between the IRS and a baby?

It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up.

What's the difference between your finger and a hammer?

I don't know! Well you're not using my computer keyboard then!