Handyman Jokes

How did the handyman feel after going to the bar?

He was hammered.

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What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

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Bolt Jokes More Bolt Jokes

What does a hardware salesman do on a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

What did the handyman do... when he got his girlfriend in bed with him for the first time?

He screwed, nutted, and bolted.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

What do you call a chinese woman with a food processor on her head?

Brenda.

What do schizophrenic people think when they say an insensitive joke?

That sounded a lot better in my head

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why do people wear sleeveless shirts?

They like to express the right to bear arms.

Why do New Zealand farmers now wear kilts?

Because the sheep have gotten used to the sound of zippers

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call a spy that likes to spend time with his son?

James Bonding bah dun tss

What did the musician say when he went back in time?

I'll be Bach.

Bed Jokes More Bed Jokes

How'd you sleep?

Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn- Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.

Where can you find Jhene Aiko at Bed Peace?

At bed, blunt, and beyond. Bada tssss. I tried.

Leg Jokes More Leg Jokes

What did the child with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What walks on two legs, but can't move forward?

Americans who voted for Hillary

Hammer Jokes More Hammer Jokes

What's the difference between the IRS and a baby?

It takes a lot more than a hammer to make the IRS shut up.

Why did the masochist STOP hitting himself on the head with a hammer ?

Because it hurt.

Bar Jokes More Bar Jokes

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

A ham sandwhich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says...

I'm sorry, we don't serve food here