Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Whats the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

One of them is actually wanted!

Why did Santa bring his sack with him when starring in the pantomime?

He wanted to have some stage presents.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many NorCal kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Hella

How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One... or two One... or two

People Jokes More People Jokes

How many people work at your company?

About half of them.

Why do people starve?

When food tastes so good.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

How long were you at your last job?

A: "Seven-and-a-half inches... same as now"

How do know a job's been done by a lesbian carpenter?

There are no nails, and no screws, it's all tongue and groove!

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What's the difference between Bill Cosby and Lena Dunham?

Lena Dunham wrote the book about it.

What's the capital of Honduras?

HER: um... ME:writing bad at geo-

Fortune Jokes More Fortune Jokes

Why did Vana White run off the stage of Wheel of Fortune?

She had a bowel movement during her vowel movement.

What do you call a group of Lexus cars?

A fortune!

Cookie Jokes More Cookie Jokes

Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?

It was feeling a little crumby.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?

Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter