Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you call a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing, Chris Brown doesn't want you getting involved in his personal life

How much is a gram?

Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. 1 to screw it in and 2 to talk about how much better Neil Peart could've done it

How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

People Jokes More People Jokes

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

people without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?

deleted

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why was the distracted man fired from his job at the distillery?

Because he couldn't concentrate

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Fortune Jokes More Fortune Jokes

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

Which burgers can tell your fortune?

Medium burgers!

Cookie Jokes More Cookie Jokes

What does Beyonce bake her cookies on?

Aluminatti foil

What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?

The cookie!