Who gets the job of writing the fortunes in the cookies?

I want that job. I could really screw with some people.

Previous Random Joke Next
Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before?

A key.

Why do girls prefer to drive auto cars, instead of manual?

Because they want the D.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many good presidential candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Its gonna be a dark four years, now isn't it

How many Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Californians don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in hot tubs. (I remember this from the 1970s when I was in middle school. It's one of my first dirty jokes)

People Jokes More People Jokes

What did he tell people in order to make them avoid taking it?

Eschew! Eschew!

Why did the stoplight turn red?

Well, you would too, if you had to change in front of that many people!

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why did the can-crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

Why was the teacher arrested for writing in permanent marker?

He wrote "1 + 0 = 0" and then spent the rest of the lesson trying to rub one out...

Why do North Korean officials are always seen holding a notebook and a pen when they're near Kim Jong Un?

They're writing their last will and testament.

Fortune Jokes More Fortune Jokes

What do Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both spent a fortune making their noses more white.

What costs you a fortune and leaves you in tears a year and a half later?

Not cancer, but my relationship that just ended today!

Cookie Jokes More Cookie Jokes

What are eight small pieces of cookie the equivalent of?

One byte

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

greg.