Why did the Englishman wear a tie to his vasectomy?

Because he wanted to look mptnt

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How to tell an Irishman from a Scotsman on St. Patrick's day?

One wants to stay drunk all the time and the other doesn't want to pay the tab.

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

What did one Pencil say to the other ?

Your looking Sharp!

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Englishman Jokes More Englishman Jokes

What did the Englishman call the hilarious Slav?

Top Vlad.

What do you call an Englishman in the World Cup final?

The referee

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

What do you call a dog wearing a watch?

You would call it a dog. A dog wearing a watch is not a watchdog.

What would I be wearing?

Me: Oh, you'd be there, too

Tie Jokes More Tie Jokes

Why'd the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure

What did the shoelace say when I tried to tie it?

Uh, like, can you knot?

Vasectomy Jokes More Vasectomy Jokes

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?

A dry martinez.

What do you want to have next?

Me: a vasectomy