Cocaine Addict Jokes

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

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What type of stories do cocaine addicts write?

Snort stories

What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

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Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

They don't like getting sand in their crack.

What's the difference between a crackhead and a John?

A crackhead buys crack so he can put it into his pipe and burn it. A John pays so that he can put his pipe into a crack that might burn him.

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Which country has a drug-addicted king?

Hyrule.

Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

They don't like getting sand in their crack.

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Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?

So they can see the front-lines.

What do you call the line at a Vietnamese restaurant?

Pho queue!

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What's the difference between a newspaper and a cocaine addict?

One has headlines, and the other gives head for lines.

What were the headlines like when the shovel was invented?

There's been a ground breaking discovery...

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What's the difference between Gordon Ramsey and a run in the forest?

Ones a pant in the country the others a...

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

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How do you keep redditors in suspense?

I dunno, I'll tell ya tomorrow

What did one lesbian vampire say the other?

See ya next month )

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What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.