Good News Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

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How's my cat, Doc?

Vet: I have good news and bad news..

What's the good news?

Doctor: You should make it til Shark Week

Why is it good news that Aroldis Chapman moved to the Yankees?

Because pitchers don't hit in the American League!

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Bad News Jokes More Bad News Jokes

What did the doctor tell the panda bear after the results of his child's paternity test came back?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the results are a bit grizzly.

Why can't you give bad news to someone on the Moon?

It lacks gravity.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What did the bartender say to the angry speaker?

We don't want any treble

Why should you be sure to pay your exorcist on time?

You wouldn't want to get repossessed!

Yankee Jokes More Yankee Jokes

What is a Yankee ?

What is a Yankee Well, its like a Quicky but your by yourself.

What's the definition of a Yankee?

A. Same thing as a "quickie" only you do it yourself.

Paul Jokes More Paul Jokes

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?

Paul gas coin!

Michael Jokes More Michael Jokes

Which do you want to hear first?

Paul: I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first? Michael: The good news. Paul: The good news is that I have no bad news.

How do you spell ichael?

The teacher was rather bewildered. "Don't you mean Michael " she asked. "No ma'am. I've written the 'M' already."

Doc Jokes More Doc Jokes

How did my operation go Doc?

Dr What Dr Omg I've only got half a colon

Why is that, doc?

He replied, "I'm trying to examine you."

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

Who writes hit musicals on the Internet?

Andrew Lloyd Webber.

How do you hit 20 flies in one shot?

Hit an Ethiopian in the head with a frying pan.

Pitcher Jokes More Pitcher Jokes

Who's bad at baseball but fun at parties?

A pitcher filled with margaritas!

Why did they stop serving beer at Miami Marlins games?

They didn't have enough pitchers.