Jeremy Clarkson Jokes

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!

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What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on Top Gear.

Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine?

Because they'd been floored by his punch.

What do you get when you minus Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear...?

A smile !

What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number?

Nought two sixty.

What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?

He can't do 'top gear' anymore!

What do Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on top gear.

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What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

What's the difference between Whitney Houston and Amy Winehouse?

About 204 days.

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

Why Don't I Have Laugh Lines?

Because I never smile. :(

What do you get when you minus Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear...?

A smile !

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

What happened when the computer fell on the floor?

It slipped a disk.

What kind of floor do dinosaurs' bathrooms have?

A: Rep-tiles.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What kind of soap do Middle Eastern citizens use?

Arab spring

Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia?

Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters.

Whitney Houston Jokes More Whitney Houston Jokes

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAAAAAAAAAAAND EYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.

What you got there?

Not sure", replies the fellow, "But you have got to try-a-lil'-bite!"

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

Why did the scientist get punched in the restaurant?

He ordered some NaCl.

What's the difference between a Mexican and a computer?

You only have to punch the information into a computer once.

Gear Jokes More Gear Jokes

How many gears does a French Tank have?

5. 4 reverse and 1 forward for parades.

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!