Jeremy Clarkson Jokes

What was Jeremy Clarkson on during Top Gear?

SPEEEED!

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What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on Top Gear.

Why were Jeremy Clarkson's colleagues excited to try his mulled wine?

Because they'd been floored by his punch.

What do you get when you minus Jeremy Clarkson from Top Gear...?

A smile !

What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number?

Nought two sixty.

What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?

He can't do 'top gear' anymore!

What do Amy Winehouse and Jeremy Clarkson have in common?

They were both on top gear.

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Why did the kids with the fancy bus try so hard?

Fo' Frizzle

What's your best mattress joke?

Trying to win a new mattress in a contest and I need a clean mattress joke to win (dumb, I know)

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

Why is the word "smiles" the longest word in English?

Because there is a mile separating the two s'es.

Why is Charlie Sheen always seen smiling?

Because he's so damn positive!

Amy Winehouse Jokes More Amy Winehouse Jokes

What does Jeremy Clarkson have in common with Amy Winehouse?

He can't do 'top gear' anymore!

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Pin Jokes More Pin Jokes

How do you call a play on numbers?

A pin.

What time is it when you sit on a pin?

Spring time.

Whitney Houston Jokes More Whitney Houston Jokes

What's Whitney Houston's favourite coordination?

Handiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

What's Whitney Houston's favorite type of co-ordination?

HAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDD EYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

Camembert!

What did socialists use before candles?

Electricity

Punch Jokes More Punch Jokes

What kind of punch hurts children the most?

A sandy hook.

Why should you know who is the bride at an Irish wedding?

Because that's the one you're *not* allowed to punch in the face.

Floor Jokes More Floor Jokes

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

What did one architect say to the other?

I see the floor in your plan."