Profession Jokes

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like jokes. But opticians like them .

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How do you know you can't trust doctors and lawyers?

Because they both "practice" their professions.

What was the first profession to go all digital?

Proctology.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What do you call it when someone relies on sleep studies for a profession?

a rem job

What profession does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Driver

What profession did the parrot get into when it swallowed the clock?

Politics

What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Nigerian Prince Thanks r/askreddit for the idea

Why would you name your human child Hunter?

Hunter is a profession. That's like naming your kid Dentist.

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Ussr Jokes More Ussr Jokes

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

What did Gorbachev say when the USSR collapsed?

So ve it."

Grow Jokes More Grow Jokes

Why are life long overweight people funny?

Growing up they hear the best jokes.

Where's the best place for a horse to grow up?

In a stable environment. Sorry I'm high and it just came to me.

Highway Jokes More Highway Jokes

Why did Nixon never drive on the highway?

Because he always took the low road.

Why did the giraffe cross the highway?

Because he bumped his head on the low-way! I guess we're doing 4 year old's jokes today :)

Bow Jokes More Bow Jokes

Why in the hell do you have so much respect but I don't?

Cat: "You 'bow' while me 'owe'."

Why do you say he's conceited?

Fred: Well every time there was a thunderclap during the storm he went to the window and took a bow.

Barber Jokes More Barber Jokes

Why did a gun go to the barber?

Because it's bangs were getting long!

Why is my hairline receding?

Barber: It's not. Your scalp is advancing.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How do Polish dogs get bumps on their heads?

Chasing parked cars.

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Trick question. Deadheads screw in sleeping bags.

President Jokes More President Jokes

Which president likes doing laundry?

George WASHING-A-TON. He's the 8 year old white Kevin Hart.

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint Ill walk myself to the nearest border