Shrek Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player?

Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

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What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called?

A: Ptera Don

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What's the first sign of football in the bible?

Jesus going up for the cross!

What do you call a burning Bible?

Holy smokes.

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How do you make a baby cry?

Drop it. How do you make a baby stop crying? Drop it again.

What is the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER drop a bag of cocaine.

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What kind of newspaper do cows read?

The Moo York Times

What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater?

This is the most violent story I've ever read!

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What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Honda...because the apostles were all in one Accord.

What is ISIS's favorite smartphone?

Samsung Note 7 , according to them it's "the bomb" nowadays.

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Donor Kebab

What do you call a Parrot that loves maths and hates food?

a polynomeal

9 Jokes More 9 Jokes

Why is 11 afraid of 9?

Because ten, nine ate!

Why is Microsoft coming out with a windows 10 instead of 9?

Because 7 8 9

Gospel Jokes More Gospel Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

What is the difference between a black person and a tire?

The tire doesn't sing gospels when you put it in chains.