Shrek Jokes

How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek?

Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME

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Who is Shrek's favorite basketball player?

Shrekquille O'Neal I'm sorry

What is Shrek's favorite book?

Don-key xote

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess?

Shrekmate.

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

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9 Jokes More 9 Jokes

Why was Mel Gibson in a bar at 9am?

He overslept.

Why is 11 afraid of 9?

Because ten, nine ate!

Bible Jokes More Bible Jokes

How do you keep an idiot busy for 3500 years?

Give them a bible

How accurate is the Bible?

100% at short range

Open Jokes More Open Jokes

What is printed on the bottom of a bottle in Michigan?

Found on /r/linux) A: Open the other end

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What happens when you drink food colouring?

You dye a little on the inside.

What did the food say to the other food, while inside a stomach?

I won't digest yet.

Waiter Jokes More Waiter Jokes

Why did the undercover cop pose as a waiter?

So he could protect and serve.

Why do waiters like Gorillas better than flies?

Did you ever hear a customer complain 'Waiter there's a Gorilla in my soup!'

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

How much did the Cubs pay the devil to win the World Series?

2016

Accord Jokes More Accord Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Mexican cholo and an ill tempered Irishman?

a surprisingly stable person according to my Homie O'Statis.

What do you get when you wreck a Honda Accord into a Saturn Ion?

An Accordion. ...I'll, uh, see myself out.

Chess Jokes More Chess Jokes

What do you call playing chess against yourself?

Chessturbation.

Why is America bad at the game Chess?

Because they don't know how to defend their towers.