Tv Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them?

To a remote island...

What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes?

Tripoli batteries.

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Newborn Jokes More Newborn Jokes

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you interrupt a vegans dinner?

Just turn on the sprinkler.

What is a NYC nanosecond?

If you are stuck at a red light, its the time that it takes for the occupant of the car behind you to honk his horn when the light turns green.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you call a British person playing a saxophone?

An Anglo Saxin'

Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball?

Because he caught everything bear handed!

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

What wind is best for footballs?

Drew Brees

Why are asians bad at football?

They are always going the Wong way.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between the Earth and my sock?

The Earth's crust is on the outside.

What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

Remote Island Jokes More Remote Island Jokes

What do you do on a remote island?

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them?

To a remote island...

Remote Control Jokes More Remote Control Jokes

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

What is the pinnacle of laziness?

Having a remote control for your remote control.

Island Jokes More Island Jokes

What did inhabitants of an island in South-East Thailand say when they saw a tsunami approaching?

Oh, Phuket!

What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them?

The Islands