Tv Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them?

To a remote island...

What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes?

Tripoli batteries.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

Belong Jokes More Belong Jokes

What do you do on a remote island?

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?

The answer is (B) a flounder. The other two are crushedAsians.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you ?

My Wife... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

What do you call an international diamond monopoly turned Chicago football team?

Da Beers

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What happened to the Irishman who tried to blow up a school bus?

He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What do you call a Steer playing with itself?

Beef Stroganoff

What do Abraham Lincoln and Ryan Fitzpatrick have in common?

Neither of them can finish a play

Tv Jokes More Tv Jokes

How will the Duggar's stay on TV and make money?

By moving the show to a "true crime" channel and calling it "18 Victims and Counting".

What kind of TV show do felines watch?

Catoons

Remote Jokes More Remote Jokes

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between an apple?

A bike because a vest has no sleeves.

What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.