Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Baby Food Jokes More Baby Food Jokes

Why did the mother feed her newborn lamb?

Because it's baby food.

Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?

He wanted something to get his teeth into.

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

Who is the brother of Juan Luna?

Edi si AnTWOnio Luna. Yeah yeah, the result of being stuck in the traffic. XD

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why do babies love sticking things in their mouth?

And why doesn't my girlfriend share this impulse?

Why would I want to talk to your baby?

On the phone. It's a baby. If I wanted to hear random noises when I talk, I have a husband for that.

Stash Jokes More Stash Jokes

Where does Santa stash his money?

In a snowbank.

Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs?

It's a baby, not a stash of heroin.

Remote Jokes More Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

Captain Jokes More Captain Jokes

What will you find in the toilet of a ship?

The captains log.

Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What's the difference between a psychotic mental patient and a man with a bible in his hand?

Respiridol

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Export Jokes More Export Jokes

What do you call it when two designers argue about what file type to export a graphic to?

Getting into a bit of a .tiff!

What product of theirs is most commonly exported?

Newborn girls.