Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What's a Russian's favorite food?

Vladimir Poutine

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

Jose Jokes More Jose Jokes

What did the Mexican fireman name his children?

Jose and Hose B

What do you call two Mexicans on the back of a firetruck?

Jose and Hose B

Russian Soldier Jokes More Russian Soldier Jokes

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time?

You're my brother in arms!"

Tv Remote Jokes More Tv Remote Jokes

Where did all the TV remotes go when you can't find them?

To a remote island...

What do Libyan people put in their TV remotes?

Tripoli batteries.

People Jokes More People Jokes

What do people wear when they go to a new planet?

Terraformal wear.

Why are so many people in San Francisco homeless?

They can't afford an apartment because they only make 50 grand per year.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

Can I hold your hand hand hand hand?

Why is the Force like duct tape?

It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together.

Hose Jokes More Hose Jokes

Whats the difference between a kink and a fetish?

A kink is something put in a hose, a fetish is something she wants to put in your hose.

What do you call two Mexicans on a firetruck?

Hose A and Hose B.

Empire State Building Jokes More Empire State Building Jokes

What do you get if you cross King Kong with a giant frog?

A monster that climbs up the Empire State Building and catches aeroplanes with its tongue.

What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress?

Queen Kong.