Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband right before she got on the Challenger Shuttle?

Honey you feed the dog I'll feed the fish.

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Hose Jokes More Hose Jokes

Why do the rich enjoy tending to their gardens?

Because the they have an excuse to buy hose

What did the Mexican fireman name his children?

Jose and Hose B

Describe Jokes More Describe Jokes

How do you describe Neapolitan ice cream to someone?

Your two favorite flavors plus strawberry

How do you describe the life of a redditor?

removed

Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

Why did the fisherman want to go fishing in Alaska?

Just for the halibut.

Why did the fisherman decide to go fishing?

For the halibut.

Brother Jokes More Brother Jokes

Why can't you be successful like your brother?

Amazon: heh Optimus: But I saved humanity from Decepticons! Thanksgiving at the Primes

What do you love most in the world?

Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh

Jose Jokes More Jose Jokes

How can the National Anthem be racist if?

The first words are, " Jose can you see "

What did the Mexican fire chief name his two sons?

Jose and Hose "B."

3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

Why don't cows drink milk?

because they lactose I don't know why I found this so funny! ready for the down vote to begin 3

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, "man, I could do that!"

Russian Jokes More Russian Jokes

What does a Russian burglar wear?

In a Russian accent ) robber boots

What kind of people are always in a damn hurry?

Russians