Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Hose Jokes More Hose Jokes

Why is a firetruck red?

You'd be red too if you had your hose stretched that far

What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons?

Jose and Hose B.

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb?

One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.

What did you get 100 in?

Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !

Shatter Jokes More Shatter Jokes

What happened to the little Dutch boy after he put his finger in the dyke?

she shattered his jaw!

Why doesn't a window scream when you shatter it?

Because it's paneless.

Fisherman Jokes More Fisherman Jokes

Why was the fisherman wealthy and prosperous?

Because he was a master-baiter.

What did the fisherman from Boston say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod!

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did one hand say to the other?

Help, I think I'm in glove".

What do you say when someone hands you a nice, ripe blunt in Germany?

Danke

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

Why are there no white chinese people?

It's because two Wongs don't make a white.

What do you call an annoying Chinese chef?

A Woky Talky

Hose B Jokes More Hose B Jokes

Why couldn't the Mexican be a Firefighter?

Because he didn't know the difference between Jose and Hose B.

What did he name the other?

Hose B

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a big bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would NEVER let a big bag of cocaine fall out a window!

What is black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & white, black & blue?

A nun falling down the stairs