Newborn Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

What do you call a newborn with 3 arms?

Not mine

How long does it take for a newborn to fall from the empire state building?

About 16 seconds

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

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Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Fireman Jokes More Fireman Jokes

What did the fireman say when he noticed his hammer was on fire?

This is not a drill.

What did the dog say to the fireman?

The roof is on fire.

Export Jokes More Export Jokes

What do you call it when two designers argue about what file type to export a graphic to?

Getting into a bit of a .tiff!

What product of theirs is most commonly exported?

Newborn girls.

Hose B Jokes More Hose B Jokes

What did Jos name his son?

Hose B

What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons?

Jose and Hose B

Feed Jokes More Feed Jokes

Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*

How do you get a puppy to stay the same size forever?

You stop feeding it.

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

Why was the baby put in jail?

For resisting a rest. I'll take my coat

What scratches the window before it explodes?

A baby in a microwave

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why is being a pirate addictive?

They say that after you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

What do you do if a girl sits on your hand?

Try to get her off!

Theirs Jokes More Theirs Jokes

How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them?

They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs.

How can you tell when you are talking to an extroverted engineer?

They look at your feet instead of theirs.