Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

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Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why is Coolio always able to play craps?

He's got a gangsta's pair a dice.

Why can't you play hide and go seek with a Pokmon?

Because he'll peek-at-chu!

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawkings after a house fire.

Why can't you play cards on a small boat?

Because someone is always sitting on the deck.

Remote Control Jokes More Remote Control Jokes

What did the tv say to the remote control?

you turn me on"

How can you tell when a Chicago Fireman is dead?

A. The remote control slips from his hand.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

When you start getting older, you think, "why not just once?

Soon enough, you're addicted. And broke.

Why did the melon break up with her melon boyfriend?

He told her he *can't elope*.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What did the bacterium do when its sibling stepped on its toe?

My toe sis!"

What did the cell say to his sister who stepped on his toe?

Mitosis!

Pat Jokes More Pat Jokes

What do you get when you sit under a cow?

A pat on the head.

Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work?

A Remote control

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

Belong Jokes More Belong Jokes

How many black guys does it take to cook chicken?

None. Blacks belong in the fields, woman belong in the kitchen.

What has one "n", two "g"s, an "i", "e", and an "r" and you can only say this word when you belong to this group?

ginger