Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

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Football Jokes More Football Jokes

What do Twitter drama and football have in common?

They are both interesting to watch.

Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well?

Her coach was a pumpkin

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess?

How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men

How are we out already?

ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess

Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

Where did the glue go on vacation?

Nowhere! He just stuck around!

Where do pencils go for vacation?

Pencil-vania.

Tv Jokes More Tv Jokes

Why cant you watch TV in Afghanistan?

Because of the tele-ban.

What do Hurricane Matthew and Kim Kardashian have in common?

They'll both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a Dove and a Turkey?

One has a coo, the other has a coup

What's the difference between a white girl who likes to tan and a burger?

They both need to be flipped every 10 mins, but only one turns pink when its done.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

Why did Darth Vader get suspended from the Police?

He was under investigation for excessive use of Force

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

How is the retarded basketball player doing?

Well, he has his ups and down's.

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.

Way Jokes More Way Jokes

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."