Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

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Island Jokes More Island Jokes

Why is the letter T like an island?

Because its in the middle of water!!!

What did inhabitants of an island in South-East Thailand say when they saw a tsunami approaching?

Oh, Phuket!

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

How did the hail stone describe it's life?

It really has a lot of ups and downs

How is the retarded basketball player doing?

Well, he has his ups and down's.

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?

You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.

What do you think Jesus' favorite gun would be?

A nail gun

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

How's Terry Fox like Jack Layton?

They both tried to run a country and died before finishing.

What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man?

Why don't you try icing it

Newborn Jokes More Newborn Jokes

What shatters faster than your smartphone screen?

A newborn with osteoporosis.

How do Chinese pick a name for their newborn?

They kick a Can

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

What's the difference between the Friendzone and the Endzone?

Unlike football, you'll never get to spike it in the Friendzone.

Where do footballers dance?

At a football!

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What did the frustrated cannibal do?

Threw his hands up

Why do men like golf so much?

It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands.

Tv Jokes More Tv Jokes

Who.. Plays The Guitar.. Boy: How Do i play the guitar ?

Girls: You Should be on TV for your talent. Boy: Am i so good ..... Boy : if you were on TV, i can atleast switch it off...

What do Kim Kardashian and Hurricane Sandy have in common?

They will both blow the entire east coast just to get on TV.