Remote Jokes

What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn?

You can't play football with the remote.

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Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

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Pat Jokes More Pat Jokes

What's the difference between Here and There?

When you're right the whole room shouts "Here, here!" But when you're wrong one person pats you on the back and says "There, there."

Who do you pat with encouragement when they fail to work?

A Remote control

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

Why is my hand 11 inches long?

Because if it were any longer it would be a foot!

How do IT technicians prefer to be paid?

Cache in hand.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

Why did the dog sit in the shade?

It didn't want to be a hotdog. *ba dum tsss *ba dum tish idk

What's white and Irish and sits in your backyard all year?

Paddy O'Furniture

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Where do you find a man with an aquatic mammal fetish?

In Wales.

What do you call a wolf you cant find?

A where wolf.

Up Jokes More Up Jokes

What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

What did the man reply to his friend that found a good paying job taking care of mentally challenged people?

Answer: Oh, so it has its ups and downs.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

Why do they say "character actress"?

Is that to differentiate them from the all those actresses that only play walls and bits of furniture

What do you call a Chinese kid playing college football?

A wok on.

Football Jokes More Football Jokes

Why did Clemson choose orange as its team color?

So they could play football on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up garbage the rest of the week.

What's the first sign of football in the bible?

Jesus going up for the cross!

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"?

What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? "FIRETRUCK"!!! What were you thinking? What starts with "P" and ends with "ORN"? ..."POPCORN"!! What were you thinking?!?!?!

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!