Urge Jokes

What do you call the urge to crack open a cold one?

Necrophilia.

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How do you define necrophilia?

The urge to crack open a cold one

What's the definition of Necrophilia?

The urge to pop a cold one.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

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Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

How do you make a woman drive in a circle?

Take away her rights.

Why do women have legs?

Have you seen the mess snails make?

Intention Jokes More Intention Jokes

What's the difference between a pedant and a sadist?

A sadist is honest about his intentions. That probably wasn't funny, but what do I know?

What are your intentions with our daughter?

Uh I need someone to sing the girl parts of Grease songs with me

Chase Jokes More Chase Jokes

What time is it when 10 elephants are chasing you?

10 after 1

Why did Prince Eric leave Ariel when she became a human?

He was just chasing tail.

Define Jokes More Define Jokes

How many true friends do you believe you have?

Me: Define "true friend." Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.

What about you?

me: define "child"

Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

What's the difference between a nicely dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?

x-post from r/bicycling Attire

What do you get when you dress the Hulk in Captain America's clothes?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

Nile Jokes More Nile Jokes

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do fish do when they have cancer?

Nemotherapy

How long did it take the fish to go to the store?

salmon or eight minutes.

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

How did the Egyptian go broke?

He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.