How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

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Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Just kidding, he hasn't opened the box yet.

What are you up to?

Her: I'm making Chinese. Me: Cloning's unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.

Stand Jokes More Stand Jokes

What do you call a man who can't stand?

Neal

What do you call a guy who stands under a bull?

Understandabull

Knee Jokes More Knee Jokes

Whats the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their knees

When the boy broke his knee, where did he go to get a new one?

At the butcher shop, where they sell kid-knees.

Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

What is the difference between a black man and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a child.

What do you get when you take an HIV medication and raise the price 5,000%?

Rich AND famous, apparently

Grab Jokes More Grab Jokes

What does a pimp do when his garden needs tending?

He grabs a hoe.

How does a orphan change a light bulb?

They grab the stack of un-signed adoption papers, stand on top of them, then proceed to change the light bulb.

Bend Jokes More Bend Jokes

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

Doughnuts!

What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bend over?

Doughnuts.

Arm Pit Jokes More Arm Pit Jokes

How do I raise my kids?

Simple, I grab them under their arm pits, bend at the knees and stand up, how else would you do it

Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits?

Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.