What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time?

Mom: Anytime between 1-4. Apparently my Mom works for the cable company now.

What birds spend all their time on their knees ?

Birds of prey !

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you know if an Italian person is mute?

When you see he has no hands.

What's worse than having a screaming child on your hands?

Having half a screaming child on your hands.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What can an Elephant make that no other animal can make?

Baby elephants.

What animal will you always see at a resturant?

A DINE-O-SAUR. I think my brother is a future stand-up comic.

Octopus Jokes More Octopus Jokes

What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Idea Jokes More Idea Jokes

Why did the black man walk backwards?

I have no idea, Your Honor, but he was coming right at me and I felt my life was at risk.

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

Respect Jokes More Respect Jokes

What do you call a well respected slave?

A butler.

Why don't poor people go to funerals?

They can't afford to pay respects.