Octopus Jokes

How many tickles does an octopus like?

Ten-tickles

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What do you call an octopus that loves jokes?

A knock-knocktopus.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

Reprimand from the university ethics board and immediate withdrawal of all research grants.

What do you get when you combine a black guy and an octopus?

nobody knows actually but it will be perfect for picking cotton.

What do you get when you mix an octopus and a Mexican?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

Where does an octopus go to buy shoes?

Inke

What do you get when you mix a Mexican and an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can wash a lot of dishes.

What do you get when you mix a Mexican with an octopus?

I dont know, but it sure as hell can pick apples.

How did the octopus go to the war?

Well armed...

What do you get when you mix an octopus with a black guy?

Idk but it sure as hell can pick cotton

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Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

What does an octopus have ten of?

Tickles...

What happened to the octopus in the football game?

He had tentackles.

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How does an octopus go to war?

Well-Armed

What do you get if you cross a black man with an octopus?

I don't know, but it's damn good at picking cotton.

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

How did Paul, the octopus, originally die?

Torres went and asked Paul proudly, "How many goals will I end up with after thia this World Cup " Paul died laughing.

What is an octopus?

An eight-sided cat.

What do you get if you cross a black person with an octopus?

I don't know but it would be excellent at picking cotton.

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave. I'm sorry.

How does an octopus make you laugh?

With ten-tickles

Why couldn't the octopus take off her bra?

It had suction cups.

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?

The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.

Why are you baking octopus?

So I can get octopi.

What sound does an octopus make?

A squid word.

What did one octopus say to the other octopus?

Will you hold my hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying?

Squid pro quo!

What happens if you cross an Ape with an octopus?

You get a fur coat with lots of sleeves!

What did the angry octopus say to the octopus that made him mad?

POW POW POW POW POW POW POW POW Right in the kisser!

What did the octopus make for desert?

Octopie

How may tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?

Tentacles!

What is a gathering of octopus called?

Octoposse

What's wet and wiggly and says how do you do sixteen times?

Two octopuses shaking hands.

Why couldn't the octopus stop laughing?

Because it had ten tickles

Why are octopuses so dangerous?

Because they TENTACLE.

What do you get when cross a black man and a octopus?

I don't know but I'm sure he could pick the hell out of some cotton.

What family does the octopus belong to?

Pupil: Nobody I know!

What do you call an octopus that's missing one tentacle?

Octopus Prime.

What do you call the offspring of a black man and an octopus?

I don't know but it sure can pick a lot of cotton.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus ?

A cow that can milk itself !

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you get when you cross a duck with an octopus?

Fired and blacklisted from the genetics industry.

How do you know you're always about to have fun in the company of an octopus?

Because it's always ten-to-cool time...

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?

On squid row !

What gave you that idea?

queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Ten-tickles!

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because it was well armed.

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Crustacean Jokes More Crustacean Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and an oriental woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other a crushed Asian.

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Why did the Mexican civil war last so long?

Because they were fighting Juan on Juan.

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

Tis Jokes More Tis Jokes

What's the perfect name for a salon run by a couple of lesbian nuns?

Scissor Sisters *ba-dum-tiss*

What's the worst time of the year for the Slinkies factory?

Spring break. BA DUM TISS

Hybrid Jokes More Hybrid Jokes

What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?

A hybrid

What do you call a dog/ octopus hybrid?

A Dog-opus! What about a cat/ octopus hybrid an Octo-puss... buddum tiss*

Immediate Withdrawal Jokes More Immediate Withdrawal Jokes

What do you get when you cross a weasel with a whale?

A reprimand from the Scientific Ethics and Integrity Committee and an immediate withdrawal of your grant funding.

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

Stern Rebuke Jokes More Stern Rebuke Jokes

What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A stern rebuke from the Ethics Committee, and an immediate cessation of funding.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar?

Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.

Lobster Jokes More Lobster Jokes

What did the man say when the lobster gave him food poisoning?

I'm not letting you cook dinner again

What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

Syphilis

Fund Jokes More Fund Jokes

What do you call it when a group of Germans give you money online?

Kraut funding

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.