Respect Jokes

How many Gentlesirs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Screw is such a harsh word, M'Lightbulb. I have too much respect for lamps to use it." Tips fedora

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Why don't poor people go to funerals?

They can't afford to pay respects.

What do you call a well respected slave?

A butler.

What animal do I respect most?

The octopus. I have no idea what to do with my hands most of the time, and I only have two of them.

Why in the hell do you have so much respect but I don't?

Cat: "You 'bow' while me 'owe'."

What profession was once highly respected, but is now a complete joke?

Nigerian Prince Thanks r/askreddit for the idea

What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

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Lamp Jokes More Lamp Jokes

How many electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first off, it's called a lamp...

Why don't lamps talk?

They're antisocial lights.

Owe Jokes More Owe Jokes

Why can't Zeno seem to pay his bar tab in full?

Answer: Because he kept giving half of what he owes.

What did the snake day to Adam after he bit the apple?

You owe Eve an O.

Share Jokes More Share Jokes

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

What did one elf girl say to the other elf girl who wasn't sharing?

Stop being so elfish, Karen!"

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

How do attractive men pay for things?

They handsome money to the cashier

How are you going to pay for that?

Oh, just put it on my bill."

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her Head & Shoulders under the steering wheel!

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low

Houseboat Jokes More Houseboat Jokes

What's the integral of 1/cabin with respect to cabin?

Person 2: A log cabin! Person 1: No, a houseboat. You forgot to add the C!!

What is the integral of 1/cabin?

B: "Log cabin!" A: "Nope, Houseboat. You forgot the C."

Good Racist Joke Jokes More Good Racist Joke Jokes

Why are there no good racist jokes for white people?

because, only whites are racist.

What's your best racist joke?

I was just looking for some good racially insensitive jokes for my friends. Gimme your worst, Reddit.

Animal Jokes More Animal Jokes

What do you call the border between humanity and animals?

The Mediterranean Sea

Why can't we feed the animals?

Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*