What did the commander say when she realized that she had left Matt Damon on Mars?

I have left my Mark on Mars"

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson?

it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in.

Who takes over when the Ultrasound man is on leave?

The Hip Replacement Guy.

Mar Jokes More Mar Jokes

What's the smallest drink you can order at a bar?

A mar tiny.

What do you call a David Bowie tribute band made up of astro-arachnologists?

The Spiders from Mars :(

Realize Jokes More Realize Jokes

What did Ghost A say to Ghost B?

Nothing because ghosts don't exist. Edit:Holy crap I just realized I didn't post this on /r/antijokes.

Finally realized why my plant sits around doing nothing all day...

He loves his pot.

Commander Jokes More Commander Jokes

Who is the commander of cheese?

Sargento

Why did all most of the black soldiers die in Vietnam?

When the commander yelled "GET DOWN", they all started dancing.

Mark Jokes More Mark Jokes

Why do you think your report should be on the net?

Because my marks are all 'E's.

How do Religious Education teachers mark exams?

With spirit levels.

Matt Damon Jokes More Matt Damon Jokes

What does Matt Damon call thrift shopping?

Goodwill Hunting.

What do you call a baby Matt Damon?

A new-Bourne