What's in the bottle?

Me: "It's water." Cop: "This is wine." Me: "What! That Jesus! He did it again!"

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Water Jokes More Water Jokes

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

Why did the mexican fire department fail?

They didnt have any Jose to spray the water.

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What's a Jackhammer's Best Friend?

Cast Steel! Bahahahahah! You know! Cause it has a poor dampening value it vibrates so much! They um. They both vibrate. Well ok. One vibrates, the other reciprocates. That's kinda... Hehe. Heh. Reciprocate my humor damn it!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

How did Jesus get to the other side of the street?

He used the Cross Walk.

How did Jesus get his beach bod for the summer?

Cross fit

Wine Jokes More Wine Jokes

Why didn't Isaac Newton drink wine?

He knew better than to drink and derive.

Why did Jesus drink wine at the last supper?

Because in 3 days, he would be a raisin

Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He was trying to bust a move

Bottle Jokes More Bottle Jokes

What did the bottle of milk say to the Mexican?

Soy milk.

How did you meet daddy?

Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...