When a cop pulls you over and asks, "Papers?

answer "Scissors." then drive away..

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Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman?

ANSWER: A battery has a positive side.

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

Drive Jokes More Drive Jokes

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives your girlfriend wild?

A $100 bill.

What car do insects drive?

A Volkswagen automobile.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What did the Middle Eastern dishwasher say when his boss asked him what he did all day at work?

Iraq the dishes in the dish rack and Iran the dishwasher

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

a lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

Pull Jokes More Pull Jokes

Why is Italy's birth rate decreasing?

Because they pull out at the last second.

What does your girlfriend and my garage have in common?

I pull out of both of them.

Paper Jokes More Paper Jokes

Why don't you put an advert in the paper?

Zoo Keeper:"Don't be silly he can't read!"

Why do they ask you if you want paper or plastic at the supermarket?

Because baggers can't be choosers.

Cop Jokes More Cop Jokes

When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?

do NOT respond with "I know, right !"

Why aren't you allowed to smile when taking your driver IDs?

Because you won't be smiling when the cops pull you over.

Scissor Jokes More Scissor Jokes

What does one lesbian pirate say to another lesbian pirate?

Scissor me timbers.

What did the lesbian pirate say to her peg legged girlfriend?

Scissor me timbers