Duct Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

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How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

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Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why are so many ghosts alcoholics?

Because they love BOOOOoooOOoOoOoooooooze!!

What's the thin line between love and hate?

A condom.

Bind Jokes More Bind Jokes

Why does AMD call having 2 or more cards Crossfire?

Because no matter what card you cross, and how many, you're bound to start a fire.

How is Ducktape like the Force?

It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds everything the galaxy together. Edit:Duct Tape I know, I was tired

Cupcake Jokes More Cupcake Jokes

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do?

And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes.

Babysitter Jokes More Babysitter Jokes

Why was the phone busy all night?

Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

How many babysitters does it take to change a light bulb?

Are you joking? They can't even change a dirty diaper!

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?

That you to fart.

What do they use to pay for things in the Vatican?

Paypal

Tape Jokes More Tape Jokes

Why was the marshmallow stuck to the tree?

It was taped.

What's the difference between a wide receiver and Ray Rice's wife?

The NFL will review the tape of the wide receiver getting hit

Duct Tape Jokes More Duct Tape Jokes

What is the best thing about duct tape?

It turns no no no into mm mm mmmm.

Why I love duct tape?

It can turn "No, no no!" into "mmph, mmmph, mmmph"

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

What do you call a potato who puts videos online?

A Youtuber

What type of cow produces both milk and potatos?

Your Mother.