Duct Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

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How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

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Tape Jokes More Tape Jokes

How do you suffocate a redneck?

Tape his mouth shut.

Why do University of Arkansas graduates tape their diplomas to the windshields of their cars?

So they can park in handicapped spaces.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby?

They always turn out blurry from him shaking them.

What's the difference between having a job and being a homeless drug addict?

One takes over your life and turns you into brainless zombie and the other one makes you homeless.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do you know that one of them is a Marine?

Don't worry he'll let you know

How do you know your fridge is going through menopause?

It's all out of eggs..

Dark Jokes More Dark Jokes

What do you call a balloon that glows in the dark?

A LED Zeppelin

What do you call a kid that is afraid of the dark?

Racist

Run Gag Jokes More Run Gag Jokes

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What do you call a running gag on crutches?

A lame joke.

Babysitter Jokes More Babysitter Jokes

How did the babysitter lose 500 kids and keep her job?

She swallowed

Why don't you hire a violinist as your babysitter?

Because he might fiddle with your kids.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

How do you tell a deaf person to shut up?

Here, hold this."

Beg Jokes More Beg Jokes

What did the flower say when she was begged not to tell a secret?

Chrysanthemum's the word.

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness