Duct Jokes

What did the motivational speaker say to the duct?

You conduit!

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How much for that babysitter?

Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

What causes dry eyes?

Ducts out of water ...

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What's the best thing about picking up a homeless chick?

It doesn't matter where you drop them off.

What is the best thing about 25 year olds?

They generally have a college degree and are hard workers.

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Why did the Canadian DJ turn down the gig at the local Y?

Because why emcee, eh

What is the best part about duct tape?

It can turn "no, no, no!" Into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why did voldermort used Twitter instead of Facebook?

Because he only had followers. Not friends.

How many monastic women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None... they live an ascetic lifestyle and prefer to not use electricity.

Tape Jokes More Tape Jokes

Why was the marshmallow stuck to the tree?

It was taped.

Where were u on the night of the 3rd?

Stabbing a homeless man. "Louder for the tape " Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

Quicksilver Jokes More Quicksilver Jokes

Why is Quicksilver so fast?

Because he's Russian

What do you call Quicksilver when he's duct taping people's mouths?

A running gag.

Mmmmm Jokes More Mmmmm Jokes

What did the glue taste tester say?

Mmmmm.

What's the Best thing about Duct Tape?

It turns Noooo! Noooo! Noooo!......to..... Mmmmm, Mmmmm, Mmmmm.

Potato Jokes More Potato Jokes

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

Scotch Jokes More Scotch Jokes

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse, Janice Joplin, Jim Morrison, and a bottle of scotch?

OC) A bottle of scotch can keep beyond 27 years.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.