Potato Jokes

What did the knife say to the potato?

Now I've got to cut you.

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What do you call a potato that had too much pot?

A baked potato

What's the difference between a chickpea and a potato?

You wouldn't pay to have a potato on you.

What kind of TB do potatoes get?

culosis.

What do you call a potato from Colorado?

A baked potato

What do you call a potato in space?

Spudnik

What do you call the child of a magician and a potato?

A prestidigitator tot!

What type of cow produces both milk and potatos?

Your Mother.

What do you call a potato that's also a sports fan?

A spec-tator!

What Does Potato Do?

Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

What do you call a potato with no limbs?

An amputater

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What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch?

Because it was baked.

What do you call a potato that thinks he is in charge?

A Dictator

How many Latvians does it take to screw a lightbulb?

Is dark. Bulb is potato.

Why is Latvian cross road?

Latvian see potato, but when cross is only secret police.

What's the difference between a potato and a vegetable...?

Not knowing how to use a coathanger...

What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware?

Potato!

What do a totalitarian mallard and a potato in an air vent have in common?

They're both duct-taters (sorry)

What do you call a monk that cooks potatoes?

A friar? A chip monk?

What does a tire made of potatoes have?

An inner tuber.

What's an Irish seven course meal?

A six pack and a potato

What do you call a dad without jeans?

A potato.

Why Latvian man did cross road?

Man have no chicken. All animals are die in famine. Man cross to look for potato. No potato.

How did you find your steak sir?

Customer: Oh I just moved the potatoes and there it was!

What do call a potato that knows martial arts?

Jacket Chan

What's an Irish seven-course meal?

A six-pack and a potato

What's in an Irish 7 course meal?

A 6 pack and a potato.

What do you call a potato with one oar?

A row-tater.

How can you tell if a potato is baked?

It's are all red and glossy.

What do you call a seven course Irish meal?

A 6-pack and a potato.

What did the potato name his son?

Chip. Sorry.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

What is an Irish 7 course meal?

A six pack and a potato

Why could Jimmy not drive a tractor?

Because he had no arms or legs. Why Because he is a potato.

Why don't you tell secrets in a garden?

Because the corn have ears, the potatos have eyes and the beanstalk.

What do you call a man with potatoes in their ears?

Anything you want, He can't hear you!

How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you call a potato that's high?

A baked potato.(http://www.spudstravels.com/Travel%20Archive/Caribbean/Jamaicaimages/Cannabis%20-%20close.jpg)

What's the only disease a potato can get?

tuber-culosis

What did the potato say to his lover?

You have amazing eyes.

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!"

Why is it hard to buy potatoes on the black market?

Because there are eyes everywhere!

What do the Irish hate more than potatoes?

No potatoes.

What do you call a potato on the street corner?

Idaho

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

What is bruce banners favourite kind of potato?

HULK'S MASH! no idea where she picked it up from, but it made me chuckle

What is the difference between a human and a potato?

Time

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

Why do girls like me more when i'm preparing potatoes?

Because they find me more appealing.

Why shouldn't you tell secrets on the farm?

The corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.

What's the difference between a chick pea and potato?

I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face.

How did the potato get back from the party?

It booked a Tuber.

How much do the potatoes cost?

How much do the potatoes cost " - "2.50" - "And the bag" - "The bag is free" - "Ok, give me the bag"

Where is potatoes?

This winter is very cold. Family is starve.

What did they used to be made from before the 1960s?

Potatoes

Why did Steve fall off the swing?

Because he was a potato!

What do you get when you sit on a potato?

A potato wedge! (I made this up when I was 9)

What do you get when a truck full of potatoes drives into kindergarten full of kids?

Moussaka

How does a potato keep up with it's friends?

With Google chromosome+

What do you call a potato who puts videos online?

A Youtuber

What do you call a mean Potato?

A Dictator.

What does a tomato and a potato have in common?

Both are red,except from the potato.

Why do dentists like potatoes?

Because they are so filling.

How does Al Gore spell potato?

A: T-A-T-E-R.

How many potatoes does it take to starve an Irish man?

None

What do you get when you cross a hotdog and a potato?

A dictator.

Whats the hardest part of cooking a potato?

Signing the legal guardian paperwork

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Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?

I can roast chicken but I can't pea soup

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What do you call a Frenchman in Colorado?

A French Fried

Why is the beef in Colorado so good?

Because the steaks are high.

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Why is the monsters' football pitch wet?

Because the players keep dribbling on it.

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Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

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Why did the dog die?

It had Barkinsons

Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings?

Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard.

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Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming?

She's afraid of heights.

What screams, wails, and lights up?

A bus-load of babies on fire.

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What did the potato chip say to the battery?

I'm Frito-Lay when you're Everyready.

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China?

They need clean air.

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What did the author say when he added a chapter about flour to a story about soup?

The plot thickens!

What do cannibals put in their soup?

Ramen! Before you judge harshly, I would like to state that this was invented by a six year old, all on his own, no coaching.