U. S. Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?

Bombs

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria?

Dead parents

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation. :D

Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?

Fiscal therapy

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

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What's the most awkward U.S state?

O....Hi!.....o.....

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Who is the least guilty U.S. President?

Lincoln. He's in a cent!

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

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Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What is Blackbeard and Captain Hooks favorite workout routine?

Pirates.

What's a Brooklyn contractors favorite dance?

Dewalts

Buy Jokes More Buy Jokes

Why did the Eagle go to store to buy some Rogaine?

To cover up his bald spot.

What would be a terrible name for a new beer?

Q: What would be a terrible name for a new beer A: "Mondays"...because no one would EVER want to buy a case of the Mondays...

Console Jokes More Console Jokes

What console did Nintendo make for special ed kids?

The Nintendo Wii-Tard

What console does god use?

Praystation

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

What did the DNA say to the RNA?

What are U doing here?

Nintendo Jokes More Nintendo Jokes

What console did Nintendo make for special ed kids?

The Nintendo Wii-Tard

Why hasn't Nintendo released a Mario themed basketball video game?

Because Japan isn't good at basketball.

Guac Jokes More Guac Jokes

When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say "its extra is that ok?

if u say its not ok they give it to u for free

When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make?

Guac!

Police Officer Jokes More Police Officer Jokes

How many Police Officers does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None. He 'fell'.

What do you call a police officer standing on dog poop?

On duty

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

Whats the difference between reddit and hell?

Hell bad people

What material does Cayde-6 use to repair his armor after falling feet first into hell?

Nathan Filaments ( ) X-Post from /r/DestinyTheGame