U. S. Jokes

How did the U. S. elect an Orange as president?

Gerrymandarin.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?

Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

What's the difference between a Russian Potato and a U.S. Potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What U.S. state was founded by Muslims?

Allah-bama

What did the U.S. airdrop to the children of Afghanistan?

Bombs

Why is Jeopardy the #1 show in the U.S.?

Because Michael Douglas starred in "Double Jeopardy" in 1999.

What did the U.S airdrop the the children of Syria?

Dead parents

What is a Car in the U.S.?

A mode of transportation. :D

Why is the U.S dollar getting stronger?

Fiscal therapy

What did Putin say to the U.S. and E.U. after invading Ukraine?

Crimea river

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the most awkward U.S state?

O....Hi!.....o.....

What makes perfect sense?

The U.S. mint (cents)

Which U.S. state abbreviation is the best?

I'm not sure, but Oklahoma's is OK.

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

How does Romney only claim a 14% tax rate?

He claims 47% of the U.S. as dependents.

Why did the U.S. invade Panama?

Just Cause

Why did both Germany and the U.S want to hire Apes during World War Two?

Because they are excellent at waging Gorilla warfare!

Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team?

Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S

What did the U.S president say before starting WW3?

Nukes... You're fired!

What is the difference between a 14 year old boy in the U.S. and one in Mexico?

A 14 year old boy in the U.S. is a freshman and one in Mexico is a senor

How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

Who was the least funny U.S. President?

FDR. His standup could use some work.

Who is the least guilty U.S. President?

Lincoln. He's in a cent!

How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb ?

A: 50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

What do Filipinos call Canada?

Upper U.S.

How does one refer to intentionally harming the national bird of the U.S?

It's an ill-eagle activity

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

You might also enjoy:

10yo Jokes More 10yo Jokes

What would u do if u won the lotto?

10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo.

What the hell is albatrout?

That's not real. 10yo: Now you're in doubt! Me: But... 10yo: ALBATROUT

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

How the hell can ya be so stupid?

Jessie: Well it ain't somethin' yew can pick up overnight.

How do you know the devil is white?

Because he owns hell, he doesn't work for hell.

Wii U Jokes More Wii U Jokes

What's a policeman's favorite gaming console?

Wii-U, Wii-U, Wii-U!

What video game system do police officers play in their cars?

Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...

Favorite Jokes More Favorite Jokes

What's a rednecks favorite part of archaology?

Relative dating

What's a police officers favorite console?

Wii U Wii U Wii U Wii U. Edit: Gee Wilikers Batman I've got 151 upvotes yayyyyyy. :D

Shop Jokes More Shop Jokes

Where do fashionable kids with cancer like to shop for clothes?

Never 21

What's Captain Hook's favourite kind of shop?

The second hand shop.

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

What boy doesn't love milkshakes?

If your asparagus brought em, then I'd be impressed.

Ambulance Jokes More Ambulance Jokes

What do you call a man who jokes that women always make mountains out of molehills?

An ambulance.

What do you call a woman that doesn't make me a sandwich?

An ambulance.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

Why is diabetes like a fumble recovery?

Because you didn't know they had it.

What will you have sir?

Bear: "Gin............ and tonic." Bartender: "Why the big pause " Bear: "I dont know my dad had them too."