Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have ?

A catastrophe !

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Why do we paint Easter eggs?

Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

gtOnly if you go aks your mother.

What did MC Hammer name his son?

Arman.

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

How did the astronaut land on the sun?

He went at night.

Why was the Sun mad at all the clouds?

Because they kept throwin shade

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What football position did the forever alone play?

Left Out

Why can't horses vote?

Cause their answer is always 'nay'. I'm sorry, I'll leave...

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What you call toes that taste like mint?

Tic-tac-toe! My 8 year old daughter made this one up.

What do missiles, camels, and common fetishes have in common?

What " " -Toes." "Out. Just get out."

Minor Jokes More Minor Jokes

Why was the man arrested for having his skin flute played?

It was in A-minor

What's Rolf Harris' favourite chord?

A Minor

Vegan Jokes More Vegan Jokes

How many feminists does it take to screw a vegan?

Lightbulb.

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!