Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Foreskin Jokes More Foreskin Jokes

Why do lawyers wear neckties?

to keep their foreskins from creeping up.

What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

You're cut off."

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens if an Asian gets stung by a bee?

Their GPA drops

What does a weed addict day when something miraculous happens?

Dank god

Skeleton Jokes More Skeleton Jokes

Why don't skeletons get sick?

Because they always have an anti-body

Why don't skeletons play music in church?

Because they got no organs.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

What kind of fun do priests have?

Nun

What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration

Arrest Jokes More Arrest Jokes

Why don't plumbers ride bikes?

Because they'd get arrested for peddling crack

Why was the geophysicist arrested?

He was doing crystal math.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

How'd you sleep last night?

Son says: "umm... With my eyes closed " Edit: This actually happened btw. Probably funnier irl.

What is it son?

Son: Boys are gathering into our yard! Dad: ...How many boys Son: All of them... Dad: MY MILKSHAKES!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the Difference between a Third-Wave Feminist and a Pencil?

The pencil has a point

What's the difference between a group of crafty midgets and a jogging club comprised exclusively of women?

The former is a band of cunning runts...

Year Old Daughter Jokes More Year Old Daughter Jokes

Whose mother likes rap music?

Yo Momma! My eight-year-old daughter wants to see how many upvotes she can get. Ten-year old brother is interested in downvotes.

How does a dark-skinned boy have light-skinned hands?

because paint! -my four-year-old daughter.