Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Coffee Mug

How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Vegan Jokes More Vegan Jokes

What do vegan zombies say?

GRAAAAAAINS!

How do you spot a vegan at a party?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

Villain Jokes More Villain Jokes

Why does Willem Dafoe play a villain in a lot of movies?

Duh. Cause he's da foe.

Which villains steal soap from the bath?

Robber ducks.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

What do priests and christmas trees have in common?

Their balls are just for decoration.

Why did the bear start playing music when the priest tried to absolve him of his sins?

Because the priest said "Bear, atone" and the bear thought he said "baritone" as in "play the baritone sax now". The bear immediately started wailing away on the sax, rocking back and forth so hard he knocked over all the prayer candles and almost snapped his own spine. All the priest could do was ask the lord for the strength needed to get this bear into heaven.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

Why do adrenaline junkies enjoy camping?

Because it is in tents

Minor Jokes More Minor Jokes

What do you call a hot high school math teacher?

Expansion of minors

Why was the man arrested for having his skin flute played?

It was in A-minor

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What does snoop doggy dog use to do his laundry?

Answer in comments.

How did the 3 legged frog get across the 4 lane freeway?

Take the F out of Free, and the F out of way and you'll have your answer.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

Why is the Champs-lyses lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

How do you know when you're too drunk to drive?

When you swerve to miss a tree and realize it was your air freshener

Skeleton Jokes More Skeleton Jokes

What instrument do skeletons play?

A trombone!

Why wouldn't the skeleton go diving?

He didn't have the guts for it.