Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

A: Kitty Perry

What do you get when you mix a cat and a blender?

A visit from the cops.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

How does a tauren hide in a cherry tree?

He paints his hooves red.

Why did the internit paint his computer screen in little black and white squares?

He wanted to check his e-mail.

Taste Jokes More Taste Jokes

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?

Well the first noticeable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

What did the mom say when she found out her son was going to be a evil spy?

Abort mission!

What did one priest say to the other priest?

Do you know where my son is " "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."

Skeleton Jokes More Skeleton Jokes

Why is the ulna the second funniest bone in our skeleton?

It's near-humerus.

Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because the didn't have the guts to do it.

Foreskin Jokes More Foreskin Jokes

What did the bartender say to the foreskin?

You're cut off."

Why do cowboys have foreskin?

So they have a place to put there chewing tobacco when brushing their teeth

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched?

A personal space man

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What is the hardest part about firing a black man?

Waiting for him to show up.

What's the hardest part of breaking up with a leper ?

They always leave a piece of themselves behind.