Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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Where's the nearest cycle path you meant?

Thought you said psychopath.

What's the best way to get to the mental hospital?

Take the psychopath!!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl?

They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium)

What happened after the ugly man married the beautiful blonde?

They had a wedding reception.

Hard Jokes More Hard Jokes

What's the hardest part of golf for asians?

Driving

What do you have on?

The man says, "I have a hard on but I didn't know you could smell it."

Vegan Jokes More Vegan Jokes

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar?

I've seen herbivore.

Blink Jokes More Blink Jokes

What eye cannot see, cannot blink and is bleeding?

The browneye. You'll have to guess why its bleeding.

Why do we blink subconsciously?

You aren't now!

Taste Jokes More Taste Jokes

What smells better than it taste?

A nose

What does alcohol free beer taste like?

Like going down on your sister. It tastes the same but something's not right.

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

Why did Moses part his hair?

To make a path for the Israelice.

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun?

Not cool.

What did the ancient Egyptian cheerleader chant?

THERE IS ONE GOD, HE IS THE SUN GOD! RA! RA! RA!"