Skin Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

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Why are Skeleton's so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

What do you call a cat that has boils on its skin and can't feel it's toes?

A leperd

What is the skin on you forearm called?

Foreskin. Budam tss

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

What's the difference between friends and potatoes?

Potatoes don't scream when you peel their skin and toss them in boiling water.

What do you call a person with no skin?

Dead. Another anti-joke by the fabulous me. Surprisingly, nobody has down voted the first one yet.

What does it mean if holy water sizzles when it hits your skin?

I'm just asking for a friend)

What should you call someone with a different color of skin than your own?

A hue man.

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What's the difference between a tropical beach and a priest?

One gets sun on your skin and the other gets skin on your son.

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How do Canadians take care of their skin?

Maybe it's maple leaf.

What color does your skin turn when you pour molten gold onto it?

Au-burn

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What do you call a delicacy made by stripping the skin off of a Native American and cooking it?

A Sioux Flay

Who is tall, orange-skinned, blatantly racist, should not be a politician, and makes everyone groan whenever he appears on TV?

Jar Jar Binks

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

What happens when skin touches skin, hair touches hair, and Balls Disappear?

Answer: You Blink Your Eyes.

What does a pig use for his skin?

Oinkment.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

What does Charles Darwin use to moisturise his skin?

Evo-lotion.

Why did the nurse keep the bedpan in the refrigerator?

Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.

Why are mosquitoes annoying?

Because they get under your skin.

Why do LGBT men typically have their whisker-hairs depilated?

So their skin won't feel so abrucive

What do you call it when you can't see your skin?

Pore resolution

Who's skin is that?

Please step out of the vehicle sir."

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

Why pink camo?

Do people hunt barbie jeeps or try to sneak up on pepto bismol

What is the real reason leaves fall to the ground?

They know people will blow them.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

Where do you go if a twister is about to touchdown in Texas?

The Dallas Cowboy Stadium, a touchdown never happens there!

What happens if you smoke weed in a musilm country?

Simple, you get stoned twice

Taste Jokes More Taste Jokes

What did one little lesbian frog say to the other?

We really do taste like chicken!"

What did the banker say to the tongue when he rejected his loan application?

There's no accounting for taste.

Psychopath Jokes More Psychopath Jokes

What's the difference between Det. Rust Cohle and a psychopath?

Psychopaths are fun at parties.

What kind of trails does a crazy person travel?

Psychopaths. (I hate myself)

Year Old Daughter Jokes More Year Old Daughter Jokes

Whose mother likes rap music?

Yo Momma! My eight-year-old daughter wants to see how many upvotes she can get. Ten-year old brother is interested in downvotes.

How does a dark-skinned boy have light-skinned hands?

because paint! -my four-year-old daughter.

Year Old Jokes More Year Old Jokes

What is the difference between a bag of cocaine and a four year old?

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine out the window

What's the best part about bangin' twenty six year olds?

You get to meet Jared Fogel.

Touch Jokes More Touch Jokes

What do black guys have that's double the size of white men and gets bigger every time they touch a woman?

A. Their criminal record

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie?

Disney movies can still touch little kids.

Ball Jokes More Ball Jokes

How did I get the balls to write such a grotesque joke?

Gruesome.

What Do you Call a Bowler that drops his ball a lot?

Gutterfingers!