Half Life Jokes

What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.

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What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3?

He was blowing off Steam

Why isn't Half-Life 3 coming out?

Because 2 Half-Lives = 1 whole life.

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2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

Why was 7 arrested for homicide?

Because somebody divided 14 into 2 and he was the prime suspect

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?

The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green

What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?

a dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO

Steam Jokes More Steam Jokes

What does the train use to fuel it's gaming addiction?

Steam. I'm so sorry.

What brown, steams, and can be found under a piano stool?

Beethoven's last movement.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

Why are you divorcing her?

Me "She changed the station during Bohemian Rhapsody." J "You get half her stuff." *air guitar solo*

How was Rome split in half?

With a pair of Caesars...

Sunday Jokes More Sunday Jokes

Why did the black man go to the golf-club on Sunday afternoon?

Because he had a membership.

What does Uncle Vernon from Harry Potter not do on Reddit?

Post on Sundays.

Aborted Fetus Jokes More Aborted Fetus Jokes

Why did the woman take her third aborted fetus to see the priest on Sunday?

Half Life 3 Confirmed!

What do they call aborted fetuses in Prague?

Cancelled Czechs.

Priest Jokes More Priest Jokes

Why do priests like little boys?

Because it's easy to inject the seed of religion in them. Be gentle pls

What's the difference between a priest and a chilean mining company?

One gets its miners stuck in shafts, and the other gets its shaft stuck in minors.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.