Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

What did the colours red and violet say to one another when they couldn't agree in their debate?

I guess we're just on different ends of the spectrum.

What do terrorists and the American government have in common?

They both blow up people who don't agree with them.

What would happen if the Illuminati and Half-Life 3 agreed with each other?

Illuminati and Half-Life 3 conformed.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus?

Kanye's not him.

What's the only thing the English and French agree on?

Americans. Alternatives: What's the only thing Americans and the French agree on? The English. What's the only thing the English and Americans agree on? The French.

What do 9 out of 10 people agree on?

A gangbang

This joke may have profanity.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

What did the nudist criminal say when he agreed to a criminal plan?

I'm in, but I'm not decent."

Why can't there ever be peace in the Middle East?

We can't even get FIVE DENTISTS to agree on a toothpaste. That's why.

When do men insist that women are illogical?

When a woman doesn't agree with them.

Why buy expensive fireworks when you can make your own with ordinary household chemicals?

I said, and the other patients in the ER agreed.

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Vend Machine Jokes More Vend Machine Jokes

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

French Jokes More French Jokes

Why do the French stink?

So blind people can hate them too

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happens when you mix a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite

What happened to the the Pentagon after the plane crash in 9/11?

It turned into a hexagon.

Aye Phone Jokes More Aye Phone Jokes

What do the Scottish people call iPhone?

A: an AYE-Phone. (Joke brought to you by a 5 year old)

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

Guess Jokes More Guess Jokes

Who loves you more, your wife or your dog?

Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Guess who is happy to see you when you open the trunk

What do you call a master at guessing Anime characters?

Guesu

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

Why is Dave Mustaine described as "heavy metal"?

Because he sings lead. (Better read than said.)

What do you call someone who knows all?

Nostril-damus. &ampnbsp Works better if you read the joke out loud.

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

What's the difference between love, pure love and excessive love?

Blowing Swallowing Gargeling

What's the difference between the wind and a blonde?

Some days the wind doesn't blow.

Calculator Jokes More Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.