Calculator Jokes

What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator?

A huge mess.

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What do you call someone who is always disagreeing with their calculator?

A chronic math debater

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Why did Mike Tyson bring his calculator to church?

He was invited to thunday math.

What do you get when you cross an ape with a calculator?

A Hairy Reasoner. (Andy Rooney used to enjoy this one)

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

What did the man say when the calculator agreed to help him load the car?

I KNEW I COULD COUNT ON YOU

What do you call a james bond film about a calculator?

Casio royale

Why are rabbits like calculators?

They both multiply a lot.

What snake do get when cross a calculator with a steam engine?

A puff-adder

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What did one calculator say to the other when it was time for it to leave?

Aight I'll calcu-lata

What do calculators do when they love each other?

They multiply!

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Wood Jokes More Wood Jokes

What type of wood is the most expensive?

Hollywood! (Made this up while i was doing a project.)

How far can a rabbit run into the woods?

Halfway. After that she's running out of the woods.

Pay Jokes More Pay Jokes

Why did the calculator pay $100 for a pack of cigarettes?

There was a sin tax error. 8.5

What do you call an actor that has just paid off his house?

Mortgage Freeman

Rate Jokes More Rate Jokes

Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie?

It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

Whats Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom?

How I bought your mother

Number Jokes More Number Jokes

Why is the number eight afraid of the number seven?

Because seven ate nine.

Why did the accountant cross the street?

To crunch numbers.

Cause Jokes More Cause Jokes

Why do feminists hate the post the USPS?

Cause it's an all mail business.

How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What's reddit without the R&ampD?

Edit:

How about that airplane food?

Edit: I'm so sorry.

Calculus Teacher Jokes More Calculus Teacher Jokes

What did the calculus teacher tell the crew of his submarine while they were diving?

Derive, derive, derive!

How do you say goodbye to a calculus teacher?

Calculator!

Cigarette Jokes More Cigarette Jokes

What's a hipster's favorite kind of cigarette?

Yours.

How hard is it to find cigarettes?

Because my dad has been gone for 13 years looking for them.