Vend Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

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What is Eminem's favourite food?

wraps

What part of the body did the chiropractor fix when Eminem came in?

Shady's back*

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Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

Because he wanted a good view of the front of a moving Porsche. RIP lil' Jimmy

Why doesn't Jesus Play Hockey???

Because he doesn't want to be nailed to the boards.

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How do people in other countries tell if kids are using drugs?

Here in the U.S. we just ask them how many grams are in an ounce.

What website do emo kids use for business networking?

LinkedIn Park

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What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

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Why does a rapper need an umbrella?

Fo' drizzle.

Why did the rapper die after being shot?

He forgot 2pac his bullet proof vest

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How do lumber theives offload their stolen goods?

They fence it.

What has 4 legs and a trunk?

The 2 nigerians that stole my trunk

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Why is Monica Lewinsky going to vote Republican this year?

Last time she tried Democrat it left a bad taste in her mouth.

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"