Vend Machine Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

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What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

What's the best machine I can use?

The trainer responds, "The ATM"

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How many perverts does it take to insert a light bulb?

Only one; However, it takes an entire emergency ward to get it back out again.

What did the blindman say when he walked by the fish market?

Helllllllloooooo (insert your mother's/wife's/sister's/grandmother's name here.)

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Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

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What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?

He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

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Why did the zombie get a gym membership?

Gaaaainsss

Why are gym memberships illegal?

Because of the Free Exercise Clause.