Machine Jokes

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

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What is my dentist's favorite indie band?

Fluoride and the Machine

What did the man who invented the bum shaking machine realize when he turned it on?

It twerked.

What machine should I use at the gym to impress girls?

The ATM

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

What's that machine for?

Oh, that's the forklift" ME: OH MY GOD HOW HEAVY ARE YOUR FORKS

Why won't the machines just take over already?

I'm tired of doing stuff.

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine" c/o /u/jubileo5

Which Machine Should I Use?

Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

What do you call a machine that automatically paddles your boat?

A row bot.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

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Hour Jokes More Hour Jokes

What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

How do you know when you are a drug addict?

when you realize that you have had 2 strepsils within one hour.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What is the difference between falling from the 1st floor and from the 10th floor?

1st floor : Splat, aaaaaahhh 10th floor: aaaaahhhh, Splat

What is black and white and screams?

A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs.

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

What exercise does Ned Flanders do at the gym?

Diddly squat

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

Because some relationships don't work out.

Hug Jokes More Hug Jokes

Why is horse racing so romantic?

Because the horse hugs the rails the jockey puts his arms around the horse and you can kiss your money goodbye!

What if sharks hug with their mouths?

Just sayin.

Laundry Machine Jokes More Laundry Machine Jokes

What's the difference between a laundry machine and a girl?

The washing machine doesn't get upset if I dump a load in it and never call back

What's the difference between a woman and a laundry machine?

When I dump a load in the washing machine it doesn't follow me around after

Week Jokes More Week Jokes

How do redneck Na'vi get their skin tone?

Blue Genes... I'll be here all week

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

Fashionably late. I'll be here all week.

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?

A crying saucer.

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do women only use putters while playing golf?

Because women can't drive.

Why do terrorist use Nokia phones?

so they can reuse the phone after the explosion