Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

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Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

Why did Spock dump his wife?

because William Shatner I know it's old, but I love it so

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

How do you get 4 girls to sit on one chair?

You flip it upside down.

Why was Cinderella kicked out of Walt Disney World?

Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and told him to start telling lies.

Long Time Jokes More Long Time Jokes

What's the difference between an American and a Briton?

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

Whats the difference between a guy who has a new Mercedes and a guy who has an old Mercedes?

The guy who has a new Mercedes is rich. The guy who has an old Mercedes has been rich for a longer time.

Dad Jokes More Dad Jokes

What's a swear word?

Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.3:Me:3: Is my middle name a swear word

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I told them nothing."

Impregnate Jokes More Impregnate Jokes

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What dog do other dogs go to when they are sick?

A docs-hund!

What does a dog do that a man steps in?

Pants

Castrate Jokes More Castrate Jokes

How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

How do you castrate an Amish man?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

Vet Jokes More Vet Jokes

Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet?

Because his pythons were sick

How do I do that?

he asked. "Carefully" replied the vet.