Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

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What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

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Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?

The Marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

What did Sherwock say to Watsun while vacationing in Tokyo?

Well done, old Jap.

Where does an Irish person go on a vacation?

A: A new bar

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why Looking So Crabby This Morning?

I Just Found Out I Have Cancer...

Why did the raisin take the prune to the new year's ball?

Because he couldn't find a date!

Impregnate Jokes More Impregnate Jokes

What did God say to Mary after impregnating her?

Praise the Load

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What do you call a corn cob on a track team?

A maize runner. Credit goes to my girlfriend.

What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her?

It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!

Vet Jokes More Vet Jokes

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

100 Mile Jokes More 100 Mile Jokes

Where do cows stay when they go on vacation?

In a moooo-tel. I just thought of this sitting in my hotel room. Sometimes I feel like i dad joke so hard I impregnate my girlfriend from 100 miles away.

Whats green and goes round and round at 100 miles an hour ?

A frog in a blender !

Wake Jokes More Wake Jokes

Why did the man sleep under the tractor?

Because he wanted to wake up oily.

Why did the emo swallow an alarm clock?

So he could wake up inside.