Hard Feeling Jokes

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

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What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

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Vacation Jokes More Vacation Jokes

Where do pens and pencils go on vacation?

Pennsylvania

Where does a burger go on vacation?

The Swiss (cheese) Alps or The Cheeseapeake Valley!

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

What did the Irishman text his Wife?

Honey I'm down at the pub having a pint with the lads. Be home in about 30 min. If I'm not back by then please read this message again."

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What did the pirate's ghost say to his girlfriend?

I love your Boo-ty

What kind of car does Bill Cosby drive?

A Honda quaalude. (Credit to my girlfriend)

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How did the roman cannibal feel about his victim?

He was glad he ate her.

How does it feel to have your head separated from your body?

It tears your apart.

Fail Jokes More Fail Jokes

Why are so many computer scientists atheists?

Because praying for a bug fix is guaranteed to fail.

Why did the Dino Dance Team fail the Talent Show?

They were all Nervous-Rex

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What do drug dealers sit on?

KUSHions please tell me that joke is funny, my girlfriend is trying to tell me that it isn't funny. We all know it is.

What sits in the middle of the world wide web ?

A very very big spider !

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

Why is that Bono still hasn't found what he's looking for?

Because he's always standing by The Edge.

What did Spock find in the Enterprises's toilet?

The captain's log!

Cow Jokes More Cow Jokes

What does a cow ride when his car is broken?

A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!

What do you call a cow that goes online?

An eMoo.