Vet Jokes

Why did the bodybuilder go to the vet?

Because his pythons were sick

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What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal?

A doctor

What do you call the tech. at the vets who has to give injections to cats?

Claude.

Why did the dog go to the vets?

He was pawly. I'm sorry. I'll see myself out.

What did the dog say to the vet that just castrated him?

No hard feelings.

Why were the vets and pounds mad?

It was raining cats and dogs

What does a dog get at the vet?

FIXED

Why Chinese vet never hungry?

Dog have rice.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What did the vet say to the dog he just castrated?

No hard feelings.

How do you know your dog's cancer is really bad?

If the vet says it's mutt-astasized.

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How do I do that?

he asked. "Carefully" replied the vet.

Why are we at the vet?

Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch

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Doctor Jokes More Doctor Jokes

Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease?

Because the condition was untweetable.

What does the doctor say after colonoscopy?

See ewwww later!

Lightbulb Jokes More Lightbulb Jokes

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

well many how???

How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Hella. How long does it take them Days.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

When asked which is more important looks or brains?

9 out of 10 zombies said "braaaaiiiiinnnnssss" number 10 ate the researcher.

When you go to a regular movie, a friend asks you "so how good was the movie?

When you go to an M.night Shamylan movie a friend asks " So how bad was the plot twist "

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral?

he's not a mourning person

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

American Jokes More American Jokes

What happened to the american man who broke his leg?

He went... broke.

What is the best way to pick up American girls?

With a crane.

Marine Jokes More Marine Jokes

How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb?

Four, one to change it and three to comment on the changing.

Why is there a flap on the back of the Navy uniform?

So the Marine have something to hold on to.

German Jokes More German Jokes

How do you say "whoops" in German?

World War 2

What'd you call a German businessman?

An enterpreNeuer.

Vietnam Jokes More Vietnam Jokes

How many Vietnam vets does it take the screw in a light bulb?

THAT'S RIGHT!!! YOU DON'T KNOW BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

YOU WOULDN'T KNOW SON YOU WEREN'T THERE!!