Erection Jokes

What did the man say to his wife when he failed to get an erection?

No hard feelings.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

What do Japanese people do when they have erections?

Vote!

What is the hardest part of cutting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.

Why does Pinnochio always get an erection when he's in a forest?

Because he has a woodpecker!

Why was the naturists wedding delayed?

The ring bearer had an erection.

What's addicting?

The sound an erection makes when it hits a cymbal.

What do you get when you throw a baby against a wall?

An erection

What do you call a narcissistic plant with an erection?

A self-raising flower. I'm so sorry.

Why will there never be an Asian president?

Because the American people could never make it through the erection without raughing.

What have Kim Jong-Un and Viagra got in common?

They're both good at rigging erections.

This joke may have profanity.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why isn't China a democracy?

Because then they'd have to hold erections.

What do you get when you drop a baby into a wood chipper?

Well an erection of course.

What's the hardest thing about finding a dead baby on the beach?

Hiding the erection.

How do Japanese politicians say they got their positions?

With erections.

What kind of an erection does a necrophiliac get?

Mourning wood! :)

What is the definition of torque?

When you wake up in the morning with an erection so stiff, that when you bend it down to take a leak, your legs kick back and you hit your head on the toilet.

Why did Bilbo Baggins die with a Erection?

Because old hobbits die hard. (Just a different Punchline)

What do you get when you take Viagra with an iron supplement?

an erection that points north.

This joke may have profanity.

Why does the Asian News Anchor not stand up from behind his desk during presidential races?

because he's covering an erection!

Why do asians got to the hospital after voting?

Everyone knows that you should see a doctor for an erection that last longer than 4 hours.

What did the priest get at Toys R Us?

An erection.

What do you call a preacher with an erection?

A firm believer

Why is China a communist country?

Because nobody wants to hold an erection.

What do Asians do during an erection?

They vote

What's the difference between polite conversation and an erection?

I can maintain polite conversation.

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

What should you do if you get an erection on the subway?

Get off at the next stop!

What do you call a turtle with an erection?

A slow poke!

What does a Japanese man do when there's an erection?

He votes!

What do you call a waterfall which causes erections?

Viagra Falls

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between an erection and a Camaro?

I don't have a Camaro....

What do an 80 year old smoker and the Japanese House of Representatives have in common?

They only have an erection every 4 years

What's the difference between an erection and Colin Kaepernick?

An erection can make it past the semis, and still stand up if you sing for it.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

Why do men get erections while they sleep?

So they don't accidentally roll out of bed.

What's the difference between my daughter and my wife?

I need viagra to maintain erection with my wife.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between an erection and a Ferrari?

whisper I don't have a Ferrari.

What is the hardest thing about staring at a pile of dead babies?

Possible NSFW) My erection.

This joke may have profanity.

What do you say when someone dies while getting an erection?

He came and went at the same time.

What is the hardest part of cuting a baby in half with a straight razor?

My erection.

What did Adam say to Eve the first time he got an erection?

Stand back, I don't know how big this thing is gonna get!"

Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection?

I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)

How long does it take a baby to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I lose track of time when I have an erection.

How do the Chinese vote?

With their erections.

Why do men struggle to urinate with an erection?

It's just too hard.

What do you get when OP gets erections?

QR

What is the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead babies?

My erection.

What do you get when you stab a baby with a knife?

An erection and a place to put it.

What kind of erection does a burn victim get?

Firewood.

What happens to an Asian guy when they run into a wall with a full erection?

They break their nose!

What do you get when you stab a toddler with a pair of scissors?

An erection.

What does an Asian man do during an erection?

Vote.

Whats the problem with running through a field of dead babies?

Your erection....

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

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Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why do bicycles fall over?

Because they are two tired.

What's a cow's favourite love song?

When I fall in love it will be for heifer.

Cymbal Jokes More Cymbal Jokes

Who's there ! Cymbals ! Cymbals who?

Cymbals have horns and others don't !

What's addicting?

The sound an erection makes when it hits a cymbal.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

How long do owls live?

Six and a half books.

Why do countries "cut ties" when things get tense ?

So weird having men walk around in suits and half ties.

Delay Jokes More Delay Jokes

What's delaying the Polish space program?

A: Development of a working match.

Why did the developers have to delay their pirate game?

They needed to give their characters an eye-patch.

Wedding Jokes More Wedding Jokes

What do a wedding and a funeral have in common?

At the end of the day, a stiff gets buried either way.

Where do rabbits go after their wedding?

On their bunnymoon.

Asian Jokes More Asian Jokes

Why can't two Asian parents have a Caucasian baby?

Two Wongs don't make a white

What did they stamp on the Asian baby as he came out of his mother's womb?

Made in Va-China.

Hit Jokes More Hit Jokes

What is Apple's favorite song?

Hit the Road Jack"

What's your favourite priest and a rabbi joke?

Been awhile since I've her some priest and a rabbi jokes. Hit me with your best one! Mine: a priest and a rabbi are waking down the street The priest asks " wanna screw some kids?" The rabbi replies "out if what?"

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you drown a polar bear?

Cut a hole in the ice. Put a line of peas around the hole. When the polar bear takes a pea, kick him in the ice hole.

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond